Fear and Making Mistakes--A Look Back

The passing of another year and the coming of a new one.  I always seem eager to blog again when I get to December and realize I haven't written anything in months.  It's probably typical of most and even more so of mothers, now that I sit down and really think about my response. 

It's so easy to sit down at the end of anything and weigh your positives and negatives.  I don't know about you, but I often find myself focused on the negatives--even if there are more positives represented.  I see all my screw-ups, faults, failures and sin.  Hidden in the background are all the triumphs, joy, excitement, and moments of pure grace.  Today it hit my while ready a blog of dear friend Nancy, that there is one thing that causes the negatives to rise to the top--FEAR.  It is a tool that is so often used against us in many situations, but why would it show up when we are trying to see both sides? It's the perfect time for fear to step in.  I can just see it saying, "Look at what you screwed up last year! You are going to make the same mistakes and you will never learn.  You are just not good enough.  You never will be good enough."  In my mind I see my husband, my kids, my parents, my pastor, my friends, my customers, my past students looking at me with sad eyes and shaking their heads.  Thank you fear, but I have had enough of being afraid of seeing the good.  And guess what, you are right!  I'll never be good enough--I don't have to be.  I have someone who is good enough for me.  I want to be able to overlook all the bad and see beyond it to all the good the year held.  We had some pretty big moments and victories including the salvation and baptism of TJ, Reilly starting school and loving it, the announcement of the birth of our baby, and so much more. 

Every day we have choices.  We can allow fear to continue to blind us from what really matters or we can allow God to squash it before it starts.  We can keep striving to be "good enough" or we can opt for allowing Jesus to be "good enough."  We can see the joy, love, and truth of every day or we can focus on the fear, pain, and trials. 

This year, I am focusing on a quote I found recently.  It states,
          "I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.  Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

           So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

           Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

           Make your mistakes, next year and forever.
This reminds me that it is okay to make mistakes.  It means that I am going out, pushing the envelope, learning. It reminds me not to be afraid--of mistakes, of trying, of change, etc.  I hope you will hold onto this quote and post it somewhere.  Don't let fear rule 2014 or any year for you.  Each day wake up and let God squash it and go to sleep thinking about all the wonderful things the day held (even on a bad day there are good things to take away). I want to leave you with a song to go with it!

   

Ready to take on the world again....

What is it about the start of a new year that always gets you pumped to start things off fresh? I woke up today with a different perspective without even really thinking about it. There's something about this year that feels different. I don't know what it is or what that means, but today, I feel ready to take on the world--that's a good feeling!

Every year on this day I do look back and try to reflect on what I said I was going to do the year before. Did it work out? How did my year go? What were the big mistakes and the big victories? It's just who I am.

Well, I am going to revisit last year's NOT TO DO list I made and see how I did! You can check it out to by going clicking HERE. Did I continue running and increase over 3 miles? Yes to the increase, but not to the continuing. Photography threw me for a loop when I got incredibly busy in the fall. It was a blessing, but I will tell you, not running has made a huge impact on my health. I start back tomorrow-NO MATTER WHAT. This year's first Not To Do is--Don't give up on running. I got up to close to 4 miles and I am happy as I am not a long distance runner.

Number two was to be a better mom. I think I did the best I could. I still have so much room for improvement. I think that each year, the child/parent relationship changes. Each age brings a different challenge and joy. I have learned to accept that and am trying to roll with the punches. The challenge this year--Don't let mothering mistakes get me down. Everyone makes them and the key is to learn from them.

Number three was a total loss. In fact, there was one moment where I was completely overwhelmed in the fall. I didn't keep things in perspective and was just going nuts. This year I have changed it--Don't let anything overlap my God time and my family time. It should always come first.

Number four wasn't a total loss. I think I did a few more things that this year that I wouldn't have done last year, but I still have so far to go in this department. This year it goes a little something like this--Don't worry about being the perfect Christian. Be the best you can be and let God do the rest.

I think I did much better with number five. I cherished every mountain top that came my way. The issue I found was that I cherished it so much that I had an almost even worse drop when they were over. The lows got LOW. (I said that in a deep voice in my mind while I was typing.) This year it's a different angle--Don't take lows for granted. There is always something to be learned and my lows are not as bad as I usually believe them to be.

Number six is the one I struggled with the most. I live with anxiety every day. It's a fact of life that I have lived with for years. When I decided I was going to really try to change that it seemed that the battles got worse. (Who would have thought?) Amazingly enough, the last week of 2011 was the worst fight with it. It was this period that brought me to this one for the list--Don't let fear win the fight. Keep fighting. I always like to think I am a fighter, but fear makes me a wimp. I am sick of being a wimp.

I worked as hard as anyone in 2011 on number seven. I have tried to make time for everyone in the family. I have tried to pray for them and just enjoy everything about them. Even though this sounds great, I learned something. Even your family can hurt you. Please don't misunderstand. My family has never beaten me, verbally abused me (for the most part haha), etc. Yet, words are a powerful tool. The closer you get to people the more open you become to hurts. So I came away with this--Don't think your family is perfect. They are flawed just like you. Love them no matter what and realize that they love you--even when things get bumpy.

Number eight is almost a joke for a person like me. I live a chaotic existence so expecting me to become a neat freak in a year was unrealistic. But, I am happy to say that I started 2012 with a somewhat clean house. Small victory that lead to this--Don't have unrealistic expectations. Do your best with it, but don't let it drown or trap you. ASK FOR HELP!

Number nine I have actually done somewhat better on in the last few months. I have seen friends that I haven't been able to see in some time. I am also hoping to get involved with the young couples at our church more. We made a step in that direction as a couple this month and it really meant a lot to me. So for this one--Don't stop reaching out. I want to show myself a good friend to gain more friends (and to lead others to Christ).

I wish that I could say that number ten was the greatest success. I feel like I such a failure in this area because I never feel like I can keep it up. I have spurts where I do great and then I fall on my face. So here it is--Don't give up. No matter what keep striving--I am not perfect, but I'll keep running the race to win the prize.

Please come and keep me accountable! Whether it be by Facebook or by leaving a message here. Each comment you leave encourages me or makes me think. Pray for me! This is a journey and I want to do my best. . .but I am pretty clumsy and fall quite a bit. I hope that you will stick with me this year and thanks to those who encouraged me to jump back into blogging. I let myself get caught up in activities and I missed this intellectual outlet I created!

God bless you and yours in 2012!

Happy New Year!

Well 1/1/11 is upon us (I loved writing that. Isn't that terribly dorky?). I can't believe that 2010 finally has come to a close and a new fresh start is open to all. I have had epiphanies about two things in the last few days that I wanted to share.

First, I was wrong to be so negative about 2010. No matter how many bad things happened, it was still a good year. I should have looked back and counted my blessings instead of my curses. I do that so often. Maybe not being so pessimistic should have been on my list of resolutions. (Hey, I gotta pick my battles you know.) So many blessing happened. Even though Reilly had issues where we had to spend an extra evening in the hospital, he was born healthy, happy, and has been a great baby. My grandparents did experience a terrible accident that has pretty much changed their lives forever. Yet, they are still here with me when they could have very well been killed. I did give up a career that I desperately love, but now I get to spend time with my beautiful children and do what most moms would give their right arms to do--stay home and raise their kids. The list goes on and on. Yes, bad things happened, but God was there in every situation and looking back, I see His hand at each moment, guiding me toward 1/1/11 (Yes, I did it again!). It's amazing sometimes that I wonder where He is when I feel my heart can't take much more. As you look over your shoulder, you see He was there every step, carrying you when you needed to be carried. He was teaching me a few things along the way. (That's a whole other blog post that I will do this month I am sure.)

Second, why do we often feel we have to wait for something "new"--a new year, a new week, a new day--to feel like we have the opportunity for a fresh start? I look back at several of my Facebook status messages that said, "Can't wait for 2011," and think how stupid was I for posting that? I can have a fresh start anytime I want. I don't need a "new" anything--neither do you! If you have never asked Jesus Christ into your heart, that's the absolute best fresh start you can ever have. Yet, if you are already a believer, it takes a prayer--some quiet time with the Father--to get things back on track. Does this mean that you won't mess up five minutes later and not be right back where you started--on your knees? Absolutely not! What it does mean is that we can have that "new" feeling anytime we want without having to wait 365 days for a refreshing "do over."

So, I am here apologizing for being so straightforwardly wrong in my attitude about the last year. I am glad that I have a new year to look forward to, but I am so very thankful for all the blessings my Savior bestowed upon this girl (who needs a constant "do over") in 2010. I pray that your 2011 will be just as blessed and that you will consider coming back to this blog and getting involved and starting some discussions. I want to hear your thoughts and hearts. I want to get some dialogue going about tough issues and some laughter over your funny mishaps. I want you to feel that this is a place you can come and drop your load for just a few minutes. So Merry 2011 my friends!