A Cry for Help!

Typically, I get angry at myself for wasting so much time on the Internet (Yeah, this coming from a blogging mama!) Today was a different day. I am hoping that you are spending some time on the Internet today and will take the time to read this blog for the sake of children and families everywhere.

I can already see your face and can read your thoughts. "Oh boy. What's she worked up about now?" Let me tell you, everyone needs to get worked up about this issue. I was doing my daily Facebooking when I found a recommended link to a friend's blog (you can check it out here http://oldschoolparents.blogspot.com/). Please check it out as she gets into reviewing this type of thing to help you protect your children (you can also find her blog on my reading list over on the right side of the page). Her blog was about a new show called "Skins" on MTV. I don't know if you know anything about this show, but it is nothing but smut that is being offered to young adults everywhere. In fact, MTV says the show is doing great with their target audience of 12yr. -34 yr. The show glorifies what MTV is advertising as reality--the most horrible side of life--drugs, sex, alcohol, and all the other terrible things that our youth are being hit with today. The Parents Television Council describes the show on their site (in case you want to check it out yourself--http://www.parentstv.org/PTC/publications/emailalerts/2011/0118.htm) in this manner:

"Skins not only featured dozens of instances of high-school children using foul language; it also contained depictions and descriptions of high-school children discussing and engaging in sex; high-school children discussing and engaging in the use of illegal drugs; high-school children discussing and engaging in the use of alcohol; high-school children stealing an automobile and then crashing it into a lake; and countless other descriptions and depictions of graphic, adult-themed activity."

Keep in mind, this show doesn't use adult actors. Their youngest actress is reported as being 15 years old. Someone please enlighten me on what kind of parents allow their children to be part of something like this? I don't think they have any right to be called parents at all for allowing their child to be exploited in such a manner (I bet all they see is dollar signs). Do these parents even realize the amount of child molesters who are probably avid watchers of the show already?

In all of this, MTV remains pretty smug about what they are doing. They basically brag that kids as young as 12 are watching (Yeah, I am going to keep mentioning this because where are those 12 year old's parents?). They maintain that they are not breaking any laws. "According to The New York Times (via MSNBC), Viacom executives met with the producers of Skins to discuss toning down upcoming episodes for fear of violating child pornography laws." (That came directly from http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/01/skins-loses-a-fifth-big-sponsor-subway/. Check that out if you want more info.) CHILD PORNOGRAPHY--now, how scary is that? MTV believes we are all dumb, deaf, and blind not to realize that this is the real world within the day-to-day life of teenagers. What about all the good kids I have taught over the years? Why aren't they making a show about the kids who have gone on to do great things? Why are we not glorifying kids who are making a difference in the world, who care more about others than about gratifying themselves? Why can't we portray that as the norm? IT DOESN'T SELL. MTV doesn't care about your kids. MTV doesn't care about making the world a better place. This show makes this agenda very clear.

I bet right now you are wondering what you can do. I am still researching that, but I have a few options that you can do right now that will make a difference.

1. E-mails: Send e-mails to those who advertise during the show and to MTV. They have lost seven sponsors as of what I can determine at this point--Taco Bell, GM, Subway, H & R Block (Why in the name of all that is good is H & R Block advertising on MTV anyways?), Schick, L'Oreal, and Wrigley. Now, don't get me wrong. They still advertise with other programming on MTV, but not with this show in particular. Foot Locker is one that continues to advertise during the show.
2. Inform Yourself: Research and know the issues surrounding this. Believe me, it's not pleasant and it angers me more and more. However, I realize that by knowing more, I can find more ways to fight this junk.
3. Talk: Talk to people--old and young alike. This is not just about shutting down smut, it's about opening a dialogue between people that will keep more of this stuff from invading the lives of our youth. It's about opening lines of communication so that our kids KNOW right from wrong.
4. Share: Share blogs like the one I gave above or this one with young and old.
5. PRAY: Become a prayer warrior for our youth. Our children are leaving the church in mass. We have got to pray for them. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." Let's stand in the gap for our children and our future.

I am doing research to find out more about what I can do to help get junk like this off our televisions. As I have been doing research, I have found more shows that need to be taken off the air. I can list out several (Gossip Girl, Family Guy, etc) that I am now aware of that I will do my best to fight against in the next few weeks. Maybe you are wondering why....

THEY ARE THE REASON THAT I CARE SO MUCH. If you can look at these two little boys and not want a better future for them, then I am worried about you. I am doing everything I can to protect them from junk such as this. I will not let the world tell them what is "normal" or "acceptable." We wonder why girls give everything away at such a tender age...thank you MTV for helping push the idea that this is what everyone else is doing. We wonder why our young men don't know how to be gentlemen......thank you MTV for showing that it's a "reality" that boys don't know how to be anything but animals. Keep in mind, MTV is not alone in this fight for the hearts of your children. This is just one in many battles that I will have to fight. You better believe this momma is ready and willing to take on the world to prove to her boys that they have a "higher calling." I will teach them that being like the world is taking the easy way out. Compromise is easy....taking the higher road, the road that God intended for us--there is nothing more rewarding.

Please help me in this fight. I am talking to you young adults. I am talking to you parents. I am talking to you grandparents. I am talking to you people who have no children. I am talking to you CHRISTIAN. We have been silent for too long and it's time we took a stand.

SM 101: Don't Sabotage Your Own Happiness

My Straightforward boys enjoying our snow!

Whew! What a time we have had between the last blog and this one! Holy cow did we have a snow! :) It was beautiful, but not one person in good ole GA was ready for what we got! Anyway, back on to the next class!

So, as you know, I have started creating some 101 blogs that are basically mini classes on how to (or how not to) do something. Today is another session in Straightfoward Mom 101. Our class today is on sabotaging your happiness. Do you ever do that? I sure do. It hit me pretty hard last week that I was sabotaging myself in many ways, but in my marriage the most.

Recently, the wonderful Straightforward Dad planned a fun mini date for he and I without the kids. He had taken the initiative and tried his best to be as romantic as possible. Instead of encouraging him throughout the date, I acted nonchalant and, well, to be straightforward, stupid. I did the same thing later on when he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner one night. I beat around the bush, and of course some communication issues were thrown in, and I found myself with the same nonchalant attitude at dinner.

Last week I was "trapped" in the house with all the boys and I had some time for good reflection on what I had accomplished on my New Year not-to-do list. I read through and was pretty satisfied until the Holy Spirit started speaking to my heart about "not" being the same wife I was last year. Ouch....had I been doing this a lot? I thought back to the more recent times that the Straightforward Dad had tried to do something romantic or fun for me. Yep....there it was. I needed a swift kick in the pants. I couldn't believe that I had reacted so poorly, yet expected him to want to continue to do romantic and nice things for me. Was that the reason he claimed it was so hard to be romantic? I mean, I have been harping on him about this and here I was basically sabotaging him. What kind of wife does that? Not a very nice one, that's for sure. I made up my mind right then and there that I was going to ask, not only God's forgiveness, but my husband's as well. I did that just the other night and it has really opened my eyes concerning my attitude towards, not just him, but even my kids. I realized that I had been sabotaging my happiness in a lot of areas, not just my marriage. My attitude needed an adjustment--and quick. I am in the first days of this "adjustment", but I can already tell a huge difference. (Ask the Straightforward Dad, he'll tell you there is a difference too!)

What about you is causing you to sabotage your own happiness in 2011? Maybe you share my problem and your attitude is your culprit. Could it be that your lack of trust is sabotaging you? Maybe you are still struggling with our last lesson--a lack of confidence? I don't know what issue is plaguing you that causes you to sabotage your own happiness, but resolve to get in check. I realized my attitude was setting up the Straightforward Dad for failure every time. He had no chance when I came into our time together "wearing" that attitude. In doing that, not only was I sucking the joy out of our dating life, I was sabotaging his happiness as well! What's sucking the joy out of what you enjoy? Are you sabotaging someone else too? If you are not happy, find out what's sabotaging you and get rid of it. I can't tell you the tremendous burden that has been lifted since I had this little epiphany. It's completely crazy. I haven't been able to have another date with my husband yet, but I am so excited to give this "new wife" attitude a go on our next outing!

I know what you are thinking..."Just because you were stupid enough to shut down on a husband who was trying to be romantic doesn't mean that I have the same problems or issues." Ok, well great! But, in my few years of life (YEAH RIGHT), I have realized that people always seem to be unhappy about something. Most people will blame someone or something other than themselves. In my case, I blamed the Straightforward Dad for not being romantic or creative enough. How could he ever win when I took that attitude? Are you happy in your job? Maybe your attitude needs to be adjusted in that area so that you stop sabotaging the leader or the witness you could be in that arena. The Bible says:

"Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset (some might say ATTITUDE) as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,being made in human likeness. " (Phil. 2:2-7)

We are called to not look at our own interests, but those of others. Reading this verse hits me again by telling me, not only did I have the wrong attitude toward someone who loves me, but I was being SEL--SELF---Ok, I was being SELFISH. (I winced just typing that.) I was being something I am trying to teach my children not to be (Way to go Mom!).

For those of you who might be sabotaging your happiness in other areas, try using this as your motto--

“Work willingly at whatever (this means ANYTHING) you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ." (Col. 3:23-24)

So stop sabotaging yourself this year! Why be unhappy when you don't have to be? Of course you are going to have off days. We are human and still have those issues. If you have the power to call off the saboteurs--WHY NOT?? Have you done it in the past and found ways to deal? Leave me a comment because I can use all the tips I can get. Just because I am the teacher doesn't mean I can't learn! :)

Learning a "Lot"

So, I have been working really hard to "not" do things the past few days. I can already tell you that the devil has been making daily appearances and trying to get me "doing" things that I said I would not do. The "fear" thing has already reared its ugly head a few times, but the Lord is working a change in me. I could already tell a difference in how I reacted and my thought processes surrounding each situation. I still let it get to me too much here and there, but it has not been as bad.

So enough rambling and on to the topic of the moment. We are doing a fantastic study of Genesis on Wednesday nights at our church. Currently, we are studying Abraham and Lot in chapters 18-19. Most people heard this story as children (which is interesting considering the range of topics it covers) but probably have not sat down and really looked at what goes on in these chapters and how it applies to our lives today. I have to admit, I was one of those people. Luckily, this study has taught me to go further than the accounts I learned as a child and learn to apply them to my own life.

Just to catch you up, Abraham and Lot are relatives (uncle/nephew) who have traveled together for some time. They finally come to a point where there is fighting among them and Abraham tells Lot that he can choose wherever he wants to go and Abraham will go the other way so that there will be peace again. Lot looks toward Sodom and how nice it looks. Of course, he makes the immediate decision to head that way.

It wasn't a huge decision. "I am going to where the grass looks greener." We all make that decision at various points in our lives. Whether it be a better job, a bigger house, a faster car, or, forgive me, a better looking or younger spouse--we all do it--Christians included. Is this always a bad thing you say? No way--well except for the spouse part. In fact, sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. However, I don't know how quickly you make decisions, but I am learning that maybe I should be a little more of the thinker that I accuse the Straightforward Dad of being. Lot didn't really think when he chose Sodom. He just saw it looked better than where he was and left. But what were the consequences?

Well, that one little decision to head to greener pastures affected everyone around him. He ended up putting his family in one of the most perverse places ever (although America is definitely headed in that direction--just turn on your TV). Anyone that came near him would be put in danger (consider the heavenly house guests he had). He loses members of his family in the destruction of the city, he loses his wife on the way out, and his daughters that he has left are disturbed enough to commit incest (Imagine how warped your mind would be if your dad offered you up to men just so they would stay away from the heavenly guests?). He then fathers his own grandchildren who will then father two of the nations that will constantly harass Israel. YIKES. . . and this all stemmed from one decision.

I don't know about you, but when I went back and looked at Lot's story, I was shocked at how that one (what seemed like a great decision at the time) decision ended up causing a world of heartache for, not only Lot, but generations to come. One decision. . . consider that for a moment. Whoa.

That got me to thinking, and I mean thinking hard. Each decision I make is a lot bigger than I thought. Decisions about where I allow my child to be educated, where I attend church, what kind of information and shows I allow into my home and much more suddenly seemed even more important. I look back to my parents for inspiration. Did they make the best decisions every time? I think even they would tell you they did not. However, I think one of the biggest decisions they made that impacted my life for eternity was Christian education. I am glad that I never have to wonder "what if." I think most of you who know me realize that would have been the worst decision ever in my case. Did the grass seem greener on the other side to them at times? I am sure it did. I am sure my dad would have liked to have had someone work all those extra hours to help me prepare for college basketball. I know my mom would have loved to have had a counselor help me figure out all that financial aid stuff instead of having to study it backward and forward so we didn't forget anything. But they chose to keep me where they felt like the Lord wanted me to be. That decision led to other decisions I made in life. I chose Piedmont (but I had actually signed scholarship papers with another school), which is where I met the Straightforward Dad, etcetera, etcetera. I don't like to sit back and think what might have happened had those decisions worked out differently.

Did I always make the right decisions? No way. In fact, I made some pretty poor decisions along the way (that did affect others in my life). However, I have tried to learn from those mistakes and make better ones as I went a long. (Don't get all interested. I am not sharing them!)

I have learned a lot from Lot. Everything has a consequence--every action, every word, every decision. That's one of the most amazing things about being a Christian. God allows us to choose. He knows what we are going to do before we do it. He knows the stupid things we are about to do, but knows we have to learn the hard way to make better decisions down the line. Our pastor made an interesting comment about Lot's story last night. He mentioned how that one can tell the Bible wasn't inspired by men because men would have ripped out those chapters (and so many more). People want to be remembered for their good decisions. They don't want to be remembered for their big whopper mistakes.

I hope you will take a moment and read through the account in Genesis of Lot. His life is interesting and yet typical of people who live in this day and time. I challenge you to learn lots from Lot and return here to share your thoughts. I hope this will encourage you to think a little more about those decisions that seem so small and unimportant. They might just be the ones that change the course of your life!

SM 101: Putting Yourself Out There

(Just a small sample of the work I am doing. I guess I'll "put myself out there" and let you check out my website at http://www.wix.com/jtphotoga/jcox. Remember, be kind! I am a beginner.

Whew! This year is already off to a very fast start. I can't believe we are already 3 days into 2011. The days go by so quickly when you have children and a lot to do!

Welcome to the first class on the Straightforward Mom Blog. I bet you never guessed that I would start teaching on this blog. (That should give you a small hint on how much I miss the teaching profession!) Well, I am. This first instructional blog is on "putting yourself out there." This phrase can be interpreted several ways. For instance, maybe you are starting your first business and you are having to learn to "sell" yourself. Maybe you are a beginning runner training for your first 5K. You might be a mom with a husband who is telling you to get out of the house more and "make friends." You might be considering an opportunity to go back to school with students who are much younger than you and wonder if you have anything to offer. Welcome to the club--I am right there with you.

I have always been pretty good at selling myself. It's something I learned in high school (thanks to all my teachers out there) and from my parents. I was able to do well in college interviews, meeting with prospective college basketball coaches, and writing essays about how awesome I was as a person, student, and player. After college, my streak continued. I was able to ace job interviews, explain to students that I knew what was best, and take on coaching opportunities without any qualms on my part. As I have entered a new phase of my life, I have found it harder to "put myself out there" for people to approve or disapprove of what I have done or am doing. I think it partially comes from the fact that I have never done most of these things before. I am a fairly new mom. I have never been self-employed or have done the job that I am currently doing. I have never been a blogger or much of a journal keeper. I have never really been the artsy type. Yet, I have found myself doing all these things and having to learn to put it out there without fear.

First, I had to realize that it doesn't really matter what anyone (that means YOU) thinks except my heavenly Father. The Bible says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance." (Colossians 3:23) Well, sweet! That means I don't have to worry what all of you think. I just have to give it my best as if I am doing it for the one who died for me. So to kick-off putting yourself out there--"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might." (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

Second, I had to realize I wasn't the only one out there that was having to do this process all over again. The key is to team up with others who are trying to do the same thing. They will understand your thoughts, your questions, your desires and be able to offer accountability and encouragement. If you are runner, find someone else who is doing the same thing. If you are starting a small business, find someone who is interested in the same idea or at least is interested in what you are doing. Whatever you are putting yourself out there for, find someone with a similar passion. It will help you find more confidence to do what you need to do and possibly even some direction.

Third, remember this quote--"If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price." (Author Unknown) Even if you aren't as confident as you portray, people will be more apt to believe in you if you believe in yourself (or even appear to look like you know what you are doing). This thought applies to many areas of life. For instance, I believe that my husband likes it more when I am confident about my appearance (and not constantly going on and on about the fat rolls that seem to hang out in my back or that crazy blue vein that keeps getting brighter behind my kneecap) and agree with him when he tells me I am beautiful. I may not feel it at the time, but it's almost like the power of positive thinking. (Plus, I am God's handiwork. Why can't I be beautiful?) I am also teaching myself photography. I have learned that if I act nervous around those who I am doing photos for or children who are posing, they have less confidence in me. If I take on the job and stay in control from the beginning, not only do they follow me with confidence, but they like and appreciate my work. At that point, it's not as hard to put myself out there on display--for the moment. Does this mean that I don't chew off every finger nail before I do the job? Absolutely not, but when I get out of the car, you better believe it is game time.

And last, but not least, remember to love and be compassionate. When you are putting yourself out there for new friends or a new endeavor, be kind to those you encounter who are doing the same. They will often turn out to be your biggest support system. Also, do the same for those who are negative about what you are doing. Kill them with kindness. You will find that it is hard, but you feel better about who you are as a person (and as a Christian). As the Bible reminds us, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (I Cor. 13:13)

I hope that you will find this helpful to take the next step in a new adventure. I know I am! I need these reminders on a daily basis! My life is very different from this time last year and I have learned a lot of these the hard way. I hope you will offer other tips in the comments section below. I would appreciate any other helps as I endeavor to do all these things (especially learning to advertise myself--blog, photography, etc.). I am going to stop talking now and allow you to jump in. . .

Happy New Year!

Well 1/1/11 is upon us (I loved writing that. Isn't that terribly dorky?). I can't believe that 2010 finally has come to a close and a new fresh start is open to all. I have had epiphanies about two things in the last few days that I wanted to share.

First, I was wrong to be so negative about 2010. No matter how many bad things happened, it was still a good year. I should have looked back and counted my blessings instead of my curses. I do that so often. Maybe not being so pessimistic should have been on my list of resolutions. (Hey, I gotta pick my battles you know.) So many blessing happened. Even though Reilly had issues where we had to spend an extra evening in the hospital, he was born healthy, happy, and has been a great baby. My grandparents did experience a terrible accident that has pretty much changed their lives forever. Yet, they are still here with me when they could have very well been killed. I did give up a career that I desperately love, but now I get to spend time with my beautiful children and do what most moms would give their right arms to do--stay home and raise their kids. The list goes on and on. Yes, bad things happened, but God was there in every situation and looking back, I see His hand at each moment, guiding me toward 1/1/11 (Yes, I did it again!). It's amazing sometimes that I wonder where He is when I feel my heart can't take much more. As you look over your shoulder, you see He was there every step, carrying you when you needed to be carried. He was teaching me a few things along the way. (That's a whole other blog post that I will do this month I am sure.)

Second, why do we often feel we have to wait for something "new"--a new year, a new week, a new day--to feel like we have the opportunity for a fresh start? I look back at several of my Facebook status messages that said, "Can't wait for 2011," and think how stupid was I for posting that? I can have a fresh start anytime I want. I don't need a "new" anything--neither do you! If you have never asked Jesus Christ into your heart, that's the absolute best fresh start you can ever have. Yet, if you are already a believer, it takes a prayer--some quiet time with the Father--to get things back on track. Does this mean that you won't mess up five minutes later and not be right back where you started--on your knees? Absolutely not! What it does mean is that we can have that "new" feeling anytime we want without having to wait 365 days for a refreshing "do over."

So, I am here apologizing for being so straightforwardly wrong in my attitude about the last year. I am glad that I have a new year to look forward to, but I am so very thankful for all the blessings my Savior bestowed upon this girl (who needs a constant "do over") in 2010. I pray that your 2011 will be just as blessed and that you will consider coming back to this blog and getting involved and starting some discussions. I want to hear your thoughts and hearts. I want to get some dialogue going about tough issues and some laughter over your funny mishaps. I want you to feel that this is a place you can come and drop your load for just a few minutes. So Merry 2011 my friends!