Recently, I went through the library looking for a book to read. As I slowly drug the oldest Straightforward Son down the aisles of non-children's books with the Straightforward Baby pulling random books off the shelf, I was forced to rush and grab a book off the shelf. Running to catch the Straightforward Son before he made it to the library doors, I thought about how irritating it was that I couldn't take the time to choose a book that I knew I would enjoy.
I maintained that irritation as I got everyone packed in the car and headed into the day. Of course, I had all kinds of things go wrong and piles of laundry waiting in the laundry room (and in sporadic piles throughout the house). However, that night I sat down and opened the book I checked out of the library and got a rude awakening. The book that I had checked out was for Christian women who were looking for purpose in their lives (especially those who had just entered a new chapter in their lives). The title caught my attention because I have been doing a lot of soul searching about what God wants me to do now that teaching isn't my main focus. Interestingly enough, after what I am about to tell you, the name of the book no longer matters to me (and honestly I can't even remember it) as much as what fell out of it.
As I opened the cover, several pieces of paper fluttered to the floor. I picked them up and was amazed at the beautiful handwriting that I saw. Needless to say (and my past students can attest to this), my handwriting is atrocious. It has always been terrible. For some reason, it gets even worse when I start to write on a white board. Before I even looked at what the writing actually said, I was wondering about the person behind the handwriting. I assumed she was beautiful and talented (all people with great handwriting are of course). I even went as far as to think that she had no issues in life whatsoever--things just went her way.
It was at that moment I started to feel guilty. I was about to read someone's personal notes. I wondered if I should just throw them away and move on to the message that the book held for me. My curious nature got the best of me and I began to read the beautifully written notes. The person had listed the five greatest and worst things that had happened to them in the last five years. I always prefer to hear the bad news first so I dove into reading the bad list. I was shocked at what I found. This person had suffered everything from an abusive relationship to infertility. All my presumptions about who this person was and their life flew out the window. The confident handwriting that I had so admired did not match up with the insecure person I found in the notes. I was heartbroken for this person. I can't imagine dealing with the 5 worst things on her list. I then flipped over to her 5 best things. On the list I found some really good things such as the adoption of children and meeting a loving spouse, but I was still amazed at the sadness that permeated even her best moments. It was very obvious that she suffered from some serious emotional scars.
It was at this moment that I realized that there were other papers in the stack. The thought again crossed my mind that this was someone's personal property and I shouldn't be reading it, but I felt like it was meant for me to find. The next paper I looked at asked the following question--"How can I use my past hurts to help people in the future?" As I read through her answers, I was very moved. She talked about helping others who have suffered various types of abuse. She decided that she could mentor other women who were facing infertility or were struggling through miscarriages. I was amazed at all the positives that she found in all the bad she had experienced.
As I slowly put the notes back in the book, I thought back to all my frustrations of the day. They now seemed so insignificant. The positives seemed so much more like blessings. Yeah, it was frustrating to drag two frazzled kids through the library, but at least I had two special gifts from God. I did have laundry up to my eyeballs, but that meant that I had several people in my life who loved me and apparently I loved enough to be washing their underwear. I even thought back over the last few years. There have been some terribly difficult moments in recent years. I have dealt with a few issues that I never thought I would have to deal with in my lifetime. Yet, it all seemed to fade in comparison to what this mystery woman had suffered. If she could find positive outcomes from very bad situations, I could certainly do the same.
I have to say, I learned more about purpose in life from those few notes than I have from the first few chapters of the book I checked out. In fact, the book paled in comparison to what I got from those notes I found. For the first time in some time, I felt like God had specifically directed my steps. I wasn't so upset that my kids had forced me to randomly grab a title off the shelf. What if I had had more time? Would I have chosen that book? After reading the first few chapters I would definitely say a quick glance through would have caused me to put it back. God knew exactly what He was doing. He wanted me to find purpose in the bad things that have happened to me. All that I have learned in struggling through the hard times should push me to help others. More than ever, I have a desire to help other people. Mentally, I am making those same lists my mystery friend wrote. What have I learned? I am still in the process of finding exactly where God wants me to serve. I truly feel that answering these same questions (and seeking His will through prayer) will aid me in finding where I fit in in this new life I have been given.
I strongly encourage you to do the same. What would your answers be? Are reaching out to those who have suffered as you have with the love of Christ and the knowledge you have gained through your experiences? We all have different experiences and hurts. Imagine what our world would be like if we all took what we learned and reached out to our hurting world!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
He Wants to Know: Why are women so cranky?
Welcome to the next installment of "He Wants to Know" on the Straightforward Mom Blog! If you remember from the last installment, this is the time when I ask a guy what he would like to know about women or what they would want me to write about.
After reading the title, I can see some women already getting offended. Believe me, when I heard his question I was taken aback at first (I know what you are thinking--NO, the Straightforward Dad did NOT ask this question!). Fighting my urge to punch the asker of the question in the gut, I thought to myself, "What would motivate him to ask this question?" What made the situation even more complex (and frustrating) is that this is a guy who knows me well. Was he hinting that I was "so cranky?" After all these thoughts, I have decided to honestly try and answer this question the best I can.
I think there are a number of reasons why women are so cranky. One must look at the fact that there are physical issues that many of us deal with on a monthly (our friend Charlie comes to visit at the most inopportune moments), if not daily, basis. I have never been quite sure how to explain our physical issues to men, but I think that if they experienced some of the physical turmoil that we deal with, the issue of crankiness would be the last thing on their minds! I have to admit that I am at my crankiest right before Charlie decides to call on me. There are months where I don't even feel like the same person (and I think the Straightforward Dad would attest to this fact and say that he doesn't even know the being that often emerges during this time). It's hard not to be cranky when you feel like your innards are in turmoil. This also doesn't take into account other female physical issues that can come into play (i.e. pregnancy, menopause, pain from breastfeeding 500 times a day). I know that men have their own physical issues, but I think cutting us some slack in this department and understanding why crankiness would occur would be helpful.
There are emotional issues that men can't understand as well. I have found very few men who deal with fluctuating emotions like women. It seems we can be thrown from the throes of joy to the depths of depression very much like someone who is bipolar. Honestly, my emotions exhaust me some days. I know that is probably a terrible thing to admit, but it is the truth. If I could change this aspect of my womanly emotions, I might do some tweaking. I do like the fact that I am more emotionally connected to people, places, items (yes, I do still have every basketball tournament t-shirt because there is some memory attached to it), and other things than men seem to be (I think God made me that way). Yet, it would be nice to be able to disconnect when things make me "cranky."
Now, please don't misunderstand me guys! Just because we have things that cause us to be cranky, doesn't mean that we should allow it to make us cranky. (I just saw every woman reading this glare at me virtually!) I believe that women have to be extra careful not to let their physical situation or their emotional state get the best of them. It takes effort to keep out the "crankies." I am not the best person to blog about this because I am one of the best at allowing things to get a grip on me and cause me to be cranky. (Let's just say, if they gave a gold medal in crankiness, I would have a trophy case full.) Thankfully, this question (from a poor guy whom I will not name so he won't get hate mail) caused me to step back and say, "Why am I cranky? Why are other women considered cranky?" It also made me realize that I need to make a better effort to even keep from the appearance of crankiness. Obviously, I don't do my best and to be honest, some days I don't even try.
BUT, guys, you don't get out of the blog that easy either. You could offer a solution to the problem as well. If you want a less cranky wife--communicate. I know your favorite part of every day is to rush home and talk to your wife about her hopes and dreams, her heartaches and frustrations. Nonetheless, you need to take time (and the effort) to understand why that wonderful woman in your life is cranky. Does she need some help? Does she need someone to talk to? Does she need some "girl time?" The guy who asked this question wasn't necessarily talking about just his wife. He was talking about women in general. Guys, have you ever thought about asking your mom if you could lend a hand? Have you ever asked a female teacher if you could pray for her when she is having a bad day? What about your sister? Have you been there to listen to her when she is going through those "cranky moments?" (I know that talking to a woman during her "crankies" is not the easiest thing. I do believe that if you make the effort, you might be surprised at what you will discover.) Don't worry guys, women should be doing this for you as well. As if you guys didn't have enough stressors in life, you are expected to be our knights in shining armor. The truth is, communication between men and women is the key to good relationships (First and foremost is having God the center of any relationship--including friendships). . . and so is give and take.
I know that this will cause an interesting stir among readers, but I would love to hear your comments. And ladies, apparently we are cranky a lot. . . lets work on that!
After reading the title, I can see some women already getting offended. Believe me, when I heard his question I was taken aback at first (I know what you are thinking--NO, the Straightforward Dad did NOT ask this question!). Fighting my urge to punch the asker of the question in the gut, I thought to myself, "What would motivate him to ask this question?" What made the situation even more complex (and frustrating) is that this is a guy who knows me well. Was he hinting that I was "so cranky?" After all these thoughts, I have decided to honestly try and answer this question the best I can.
I think there are a number of reasons why women are so cranky. One must look at the fact that there are physical issues that many of us deal with on a monthly (our friend Charlie comes to visit at the most inopportune moments), if not daily, basis. I have never been quite sure how to explain our physical issues to men, but I think that if they experienced some of the physical turmoil that we deal with, the issue of crankiness would be the last thing on their minds! I have to admit that I am at my crankiest right before Charlie decides to call on me. There are months where I don't even feel like the same person (and I think the Straightforward Dad would attest to this fact and say that he doesn't even know the being that often emerges during this time). It's hard not to be cranky when you feel like your innards are in turmoil. This also doesn't take into account other female physical issues that can come into play (i.e. pregnancy, menopause, pain from breastfeeding 500 times a day). I know that men have their own physical issues, but I think cutting us some slack in this department and understanding why crankiness would occur would be helpful.
There are emotional issues that men can't understand as well. I have found very few men who deal with fluctuating emotions like women. It seems we can be thrown from the throes of joy to the depths of depression very much like someone who is bipolar. Honestly, my emotions exhaust me some days. I know that is probably a terrible thing to admit, but it is the truth. If I could change this aspect of my womanly emotions, I might do some tweaking. I do like the fact that I am more emotionally connected to people, places, items (yes, I do still have every basketball tournament t-shirt because there is some memory attached to it), and other things than men seem to be (I think God made me that way). Yet, it would be nice to be able to disconnect when things make me "cranky."
Now, please don't misunderstand me guys! Just because we have things that cause us to be cranky, doesn't mean that we should allow it to make us cranky. (I just saw every woman reading this glare at me virtually!) I believe that women have to be extra careful not to let their physical situation or their emotional state get the best of them. It takes effort to keep out the "crankies." I am not the best person to blog about this because I am one of the best at allowing things to get a grip on me and cause me to be cranky. (Let's just say, if they gave a gold medal in crankiness, I would have a trophy case full.) Thankfully, this question (from a poor guy whom I will not name so he won't get hate mail) caused me to step back and say, "Why am I cranky? Why are other women considered cranky?" It also made me realize that I need to make a better effort to even keep from the appearance of crankiness. Obviously, I don't do my best and to be honest, some days I don't even try.
BUT, guys, you don't get out of the blog that easy either. You could offer a solution to the problem as well. If you want a less cranky wife--communicate. I know your favorite part of every day is to rush home and talk to your wife about her hopes and dreams, her heartaches and frustrations. Nonetheless, you need to take time (and the effort) to understand why that wonderful woman in your life is cranky. Does she need some help? Does she need someone to talk to? Does she need some "girl time?" The guy who asked this question wasn't necessarily talking about just his wife. He was talking about women in general. Guys, have you ever thought about asking your mom if you could lend a hand? Have you ever asked a female teacher if you could pray for her when she is having a bad day? What about your sister? Have you been there to listen to her when she is going through those "cranky moments?" (I know that talking to a woman during her "crankies" is not the easiest thing. I do believe that if you make the effort, you might be surprised at what you will discover.) Don't worry guys, women should be doing this for you as well. As if you guys didn't have enough stressors in life, you are expected to be our knights in shining armor. The truth is, communication between men and women is the key to good relationships (First and foremost is having God the center of any relationship--including friendships). . . and so is give and take.
I know that this will cause an interesting stir among readers, but I would love to hear your comments. And ladies, apparently we are cranky a lot. . . lets work on that!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Triumphing Through Faith in Times of Trials
I am sorry for the lack of blogging this month. It's been interesting to see how many people actually miss reading my rants and contact me to say that they want more! It makes me smile....and thank you.
I don't know where you are in your life right now, but the Straightforward Family (and I have noticed many of our friends as well) has experienced some particularly large trials and tribulations recently. I have caught myself with the question, "Why me?" on my lips several times. My other favorite question recently is, "Why can't I catch a break?". It seems like we have been hit from all sides for the last year.
Interestingly enough (as I have mentioned before), our church is doing a study on the book of Genesis. I know I have posted before about Lot and what I took from that study, but this recent study meant a lot to me and has helped me confront some of my more recent trials with a different perspective. I don't know if you have ever read the account found in Genesis 22, but it is probably one of the most inspiring and interesting accounts I have read in the Old Testament.
Here's a brief summary. After years of waiting on God (and a son through the wrong woman), Abraham and Sarah finally have their promised son. I know some people feel like they have waited forever for a child, but Abraham and Sarah didn't have a son until they were VERY OLD. They were not the picture of patience (or normal parents) by any means, but they finally receive God's promise of a child. About the time that Isaac is 25, God speaks to Abraham and says, "Ok. you have your son. I want you to take your only child and offer him as a burnt sacrifice." (He probably didn't say it just like that, but you get the idea.) Abraham gets up the next morning, travels to the place he is told, and has his son carry the sticks up to the location. He then binds his son to the altar and prepares to sacrifice his only child. As he is about to slit Isaac's throat, he hears a voice call out to stop and he sees a ram nearby to put in Isaac's place. They sacrifice the ram and head back home.
Now, I know what you are thinking. "What in the world does this have to do with the daily struggles and trials that I deal with in my life? God is not asking me to sacrifice my kids!" That's very true and I am very thankful that He hasn't asked me to do that! However, if you look closely at this story, you see two people who have been through a mess of trials and tribulations (some they have triumphed through in honorable fashion and some they have waded through in shame) and this is one is like the icing on the cake. (Hmmmm....have you ever felt that way? You look at trials in your life and think, "Wow! I did awesome there, but I stunk up the farm on that one?" Every once in awhile, I also face a trial so big that my mind runs with the thought, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!")
I don't know about you, but when I learned about Abraham as a kid, I never really thought about his failures or frustrations. I only remembered the bright spots in his life. I focused on the triumphant moments. As I have gotten older, I have been able to identify with his goof-ups and hang-ups. Previous to where Abraham is in Genesis 22, we have seen him go through some rough things. He has given his wife away (twice), not heeded God's directions (several times), had to watch his beloved nephew head off to one of the most immoral cities to ever exist, and much more. Yet, after years of waiting he gets his son!!! I can't imagine what elation and excitement he and Sarah felt at that moment. Things are going great for awhile and then BOOM! God says go kill your son for me. I can just picture the look on Abraham's face. I can imagine his mind ran with the same thought that mine would--"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" After all he had been through, he finally had his son and I imagine he thought God was going to cut him a break for the remainder of his life. He is now faced with this new challenge.
In the past, I never understood why God would ask Abraham to kill his son. It made no sense to me. Yet, as we studied this story more, I realized that He was trying to express what He would one day be doing for people everywhere. Abraham was given the smallest taste of what God would be offering for us many years later.
How did Abraham face this new challenge? He got up the next morning and did exactly what was asked of him. What would the Straightforward Mom have done in this situation? I probably would have prayed, cried, "twisted" my ankle so I couldn't travel--yeah, I would have hesitated. Abraham packed up his stuff and went. According to Genesis 22:5, Abraham told the guys who traveled with him, "Abide ye here with the donkey; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you." He had so much faith in God in this trial that he believed that no matter what, he would return with a living Isaac. Whether he had to go through with the sacrifice or not, he believed that God would provide. After that statement, he loads Isaac up with the altar stuff and heads toward the place God had specified. Again, his faith during the trial is tested by Isaac's question, "Behold the fire and the wood; but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?" I don't know about you, but if I had even made it to this point, I would have burst into tears and ran from that place. But Abraham didn't waiver and told Isaac, "My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering." Abraham gets as far as binding his son and raising the knife to kill him. The Angel of the Lord then calls out and causes him to stop. God provides the ram and the two sacrifice that instead.
After studying this story, I am so ashamed at the lack of faith I have in the smallest trials. There are days I don't even trust Him to provide something as small as my financial needs. The trials and tribulations that Abraham faced before this point, prepared him for this moment. He had seen God move in mighty ways and protect him even when he made the dumbest of mistakes (like offering his wife to other men and believing her when she said it was ok for him to have a baby with another woman). God wasn't trying to destroy Abraham during these events. God was preparing Abraham through each event.
Does that offer you a new perspective on what you are going through? I know I have started looking at my problems differently. It's easier for me to not ask why as much--He's preparing me. Now, I might not always completely understand why I have to face a certain situation. It also doesn't mean that I enjoy it. Nevertheless, I can face each new challenge with confidence and faith that God will provide. I can look back (just as Abraham did) at all the events of the past year and see places where I came through like a champ, and others where I came through like a chump. Through it all, I can see God's hand moving and shaping me to be something wonderful for Him.
I think another powerful testimony of faith in time of testing is Isaac's response to his father during this situation. Isaac did question his dad about what was going to happen (just like any young man would have done). The confident answer given by his father was enough to keep Isaac going. Keep in mind, Isaac was not a little kid innocently trusting his father. He was a young man who had the option to run away or punch his dad for attempting to bind him and place him on the altar. He could have verbally abused his dad, calling him "stupid" or a "crazy zealot." Isaac did none of these things. I think the trust he placed in his father is a testimony to the way he was raised by Abraham and Sarah. I hope that one day, people will be able to look at the actions and reactions of my children and see evidence of the way I have tried to raise them.
(As a side note, this is also a reminder to all those parents out there, our children are not ours. They belong to God and we have to respect that gift. No matter where He leads them (the mission field or other ministries), we have to listen to His call on their lives as much as they should. This was another hard pill for the old Straightforward Mom to swallow. On a second side note, isn't it interesting that Sarah is not mentioned in this chapter? This is a Straightforward Momism, but I think that God knew what this trial would do to Sarah and that it would be more than she could bear. I may be completely off on that assessment--and I would love to know your thoughts--but I find it so interesting that Sarah is not involved. I know what it would have done to me to hear that request.)
When trials come your way, where do you place your faith? Or do you even worry about that? Do you find yourself focusing so much on the problem that you forget why we go through them in the first place? I was in your shoes. I can admit that I was not putting my faith in my Heavenly Father. I was placing my trust in myself. (You think I would learn after 30 years of living this life!) I also placed my trust in the Straightforward Dad and others. I was so shocked when they failed me.....hmmmmm. If I couldn't do it my strength, how in the world could I expect them to do it in theirs?
I hope that you will pick up your copy of the Bible and read the account in Genesis 22. Not only does it give a testament to what faith can do for you in times of pain and heartache, but it is also a representation of what our Heavenly Father gave up for us so that we could live in heaven with Him. How great is the Father's love for us?
I don't know where you are in your life right now, but the Straightforward Family (and I have noticed many of our friends as well) has experienced some particularly large trials and tribulations recently. I have caught myself with the question, "Why me?" on my lips several times. My other favorite question recently is, "Why can't I catch a break?". It seems like we have been hit from all sides for the last year.
Interestingly enough (as I have mentioned before), our church is doing a study on the book of Genesis. I know I have posted before about Lot and what I took from that study, but this recent study meant a lot to me and has helped me confront some of my more recent trials with a different perspective. I don't know if you have ever read the account found in Genesis 22, but it is probably one of the most inspiring and interesting accounts I have read in the Old Testament.
Here's a brief summary. After years of waiting on God (and a son through the wrong woman), Abraham and Sarah finally have their promised son. I know some people feel like they have waited forever for a child, but Abraham and Sarah didn't have a son until they were VERY OLD. They were not the picture of patience (or normal parents) by any means, but they finally receive God's promise of a child. About the time that Isaac is 25, God speaks to Abraham and says, "Ok. you have your son. I want you to take your only child and offer him as a burnt sacrifice." (He probably didn't say it just like that, but you get the idea.) Abraham gets up the next morning, travels to the place he is told, and has his son carry the sticks up to the location. He then binds his son to the altar and prepares to sacrifice his only child. As he is about to slit Isaac's throat, he hears a voice call out to stop and he sees a ram nearby to put in Isaac's place. They sacrifice the ram and head back home.
Now, I know what you are thinking. "What in the world does this have to do with the daily struggles and trials that I deal with in my life? God is not asking me to sacrifice my kids!" That's very true and I am very thankful that He hasn't asked me to do that! However, if you look closely at this story, you see two people who have been through a mess of trials and tribulations (some they have triumphed through in honorable fashion and some they have waded through in shame) and this is one is like the icing on the cake. (Hmmmm....have you ever felt that way? You look at trials in your life and think, "Wow! I did awesome there, but I stunk up the farm on that one?" Every once in awhile, I also face a trial so big that my mind runs with the thought, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!")
I don't know about you, but when I learned about Abraham as a kid, I never really thought about his failures or frustrations. I only remembered the bright spots in his life. I focused on the triumphant moments. As I have gotten older, I have been able to identify with his goof-ups and hang-ups. Previous to where Abraham is in Genesis 22, we have seen him go through some rough things. He has given his wife away (twice), not heeded God's directions (several times), had to watch his beloved nephew head off to one of the most immoral cities to ever exist, and much more. Yet, after years of waiting he gets his son!!! I can't imagine what elation and excitement he and Sarah felt at that moment. Things are going great for awhile and then BOOM! God says go kill your son for me. I can just picture the look on Abraham's face. I can imagine his mind ran with the same thought that mine would--"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" After all he had been through, he finally had his son and I imagine he thought God was going to cut him a break for the remainder of his life. He is now faced with this new challenge.
In the past, I never understood why God would ask Abraham to kill his son. It made no sense to me. Yet, as we studied this story more, I realized that He was trying to express what He would one day be doing for people everywhere. Abraham was given the smallest taste of what God would be offering for us many years later.
How did Abraham face this new challenge? He got up the next morning and did exactly what was asked of him. What would the Straightforward Mom have done in this situation? I probably would have prayed, cried, "twisted" my ankle so I couldn't travel--yeah, I would have hesitated. Abraham packed up his stuff and went. According to Genesis 22:5, Abraham told the guys who traveled with him, "Abide ye here with the donkey; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you." He had so much faith in God in this trial that he believed that no matter what, he would return with a living Isaac. Whether he had to go through with the sacrifice or not, he believed that God would provide. After that statement, he loads Isaac up with the altar stuff and heads toward the place God had specified. Again, his faith during the trial is tested by Isaac's question, "Behold the fire and the wood; but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?" I don't know about you, but if I had even made it to this point, I would have burst into tears and ran from that place. But Abraham didn't waiver and told Isaac, "My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering." Abraham gets as far as binding his son and raising the knife to kill him. The Angel of the Lord then calls out and causes him to stop. God provides the ram and the two sacrifice that instead.
After studying this story, I am so ashamed at the lack of faith I have in the smallest trials. There are days I don't even trust Him to provide something as small as my financial needs. The trials and tribulations that Abraham faced before this point, prepared him for this moment. He had seen God move in mighty ways and protect him even when he made the dumbest of mistakes (like offering his wife to other men and believing her when she said it was ok for him to have a baby with another woman). God wasn't trying to destroy Abraham during these events. God was preparing Abraham through each event.
Does that offer you a new perspective on what you are going through? I know I have started looking at my problems differently. It's easier for me to not ask why as much--He's preparing me. Now, I might not always completely understand why I have to face a certain situation. It also doesn't mean that I enjoy it. Nevertheless, I can face each new challenge with confidence and faith that God will provide. I can look back (just as Abraham did) at all the events of the past year and see places where I came through like a champ, and others where I came through like a chump. Through it all, I can see God's hand moving and shaping me to be something wonderful for Him.
I think another powerful testimony of faith in time of testing is Isaac's response to his father during this situation. Isaac did question his dad about what was going to happen (just like any young man would have done). The confident answer given by his father was enough to keep Isaac going. Keep in mind, Isaac was not a little kid innocently trusting his father. He was a young man who had the option to run away or punch his dad for attempting to bind him and place him on the altar. He could have verbally abused his dad, calling him "stupid" or a "crazy zealot." Isaac did none of these things. I think the trust he placed in his father is a testimony to the way he was raised by Abraham and Sarah. I hope that one day, people will be able to look at the actions and reactions of my children and see evidence of the way I have tried to raise them.
(As a side note, this is also a reminder to all those parents out there, our children are not ours. They belong to God and we have to respect that gift. No matter where He leads them (the mission field or other ministries), we have to listen to His call on their lives as much as they should. This was another hard pill for the old Straightforward Mom to swallow. On a second side note, isn't it interesting that Sarah is not mentioned in this chapter? This is a Straightforward Momism, but I think that God knew what this trial would do to Sarah and that it would be more than she could bear. I may be completely off on that assessment--and I would love to know your thoughts--but I find it so interesting that Sarah is not involved. I know what it would have done to me to hear that request.)
When trials come your way, where do you place your faith? Or do you even worry about that? Do you find yourself focusing so much on the problem that you forget why we go through them in the first place? I was in your shoes. I can admit that I was not putting my faith in my Heavenly Father. I was placing my trust in myself. (You think I would learn after 30 years of living this life!) I also placed my trust in the Straightforward Dad and others. I was so shocked when they failed me.....hmmmmm. If I couldn't do it my strength, how in the world could I expect them to do it in theirs?
I hope that you will pick up your copy of the Bible and read the account in Genesis 22. Not only does it give a testament to what faith can do for you in times of pain and heartache, but it is also a representation of what our Heavenly Father gave up for us so that we could live in heaven with Him. How great is the Father's love for us?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Review: Courageous Parenting--Jack and Deb Graham
I bet everyone expected me to come on and do a big article on Valentine's Day. Well, guess what? You were wrong! Instead, I took the last little while to prepare and spend this special time with my own amazing Valentine. In its place I decided to offer you something even more helpful--a book you should read.
Recently, I was browsing through the library and picked up a book that I saw about parenting that had Graham on it. Of course I thought, "WOW! A book by Billy Graham on parenting!" Okay, so it wasn't by Billy Graham, but it was by a couple of Grahams who have helped me grow as a parent. The book was called Courageous Parenting by Jack and Deb Graham. Now, if you are a young person without children, or a teenager reading this, don't say this blog is not for you. You might just find some interesting tidbits that might make you appreciate parents who put their foot down or tell you no. I know I appreciated my parents taking a stand for me as I got older, but this book really put into perspective the battle they fought to help me be the person I am today.
I don't know about you, but sometimes living in the world we live in gets me a little down as a parent (I can't imagine what young adults must be going through!). I feel like I am constantly fighting for the minds and hearts of, not only my children, but children everywhere. If you read my earlier blog about the MTV show Skins, you know exactly what I am talking about. Sadly, shows like that are not isolated incidents. Our children are being bombarded from a very young age with all kinds of things that I never thought about or worried about until I was much older.
This book encouraged me to keep fighting the good fight for my kids. It's written in a way where Jack and Deb would each comment within the text to either offer extra insight or encouragement about a certain topic. I appreciated seeing it from a fellow mother's perspective and that of a father. I often take for granted a father's viewpoint because I am not one (I can't imagine being one considering all they have going against them these days--have you noticed how much TV presents dads as idiots these days?) and it was nice to hear someone back up what the Straightforward Dad has been telling me. (Not that I don't believe what he says, but sometimes it takes another person saying it for it to really hit home with me. I will go ahead and apologize to him now since I know he is going to nail me with this one when he reads this!) A book where two parents partner in offering information, feelings, and thoughts about parenting was a new approach from other parenting books I have read recently.
There were a couple of chapters that I really appreciated that I would like to share with you without ruining the whole book for you. . .
- "It Takes 3 To Make Parenting Work"--I had never really thought that statement through until I read that chapter title. In my short parenting experience, I have struggled with figuring out how the Straightforward Dad and I were going to get things right or make certain decisions. This chapter made me stand back and look at it from a different perspective. We are not alone in this journey. If we try to make it on our own, our children have no hope. We have to allow God to have His place in the mix or this whole fight is lost before we even start! (Sounds a lot like our own battles within our own lives too!) Our children are His to begin with.
- "Taking A Stand In Your Home"--"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," was Joshua's claim in Joshua 24:15. God has allowed us to be parents for a reason. We must make the decision that our homes will be places where the Lord will be served. They mention taking a stand in various forms including by expressing children love verbally and by giving them hugs--making sure they feel loved in every way possible. They also talk about encouraging and equipping them for the life that lies ahead.
- Other chapters such as "Will The Real Parents Please Stand Up" and "Raising Eagles" made huge impressions on my heart, but I want to leave you some room to find out for yourself what this book has to offer. If I tell you all about it (as I am dying to do) you won't go out and get it!
I think the last part was probably the hardest for me to read. It was called "From 'It's a Boy' to 'I'm Engaged'." Holy cow! I had to read this section in spurts as I cried like a baby through some parts. It really was an eye opening experience to think about how quickly my beautiful Straightforward sons will grow into men. After I finished the book, so many thoughts ran through my head that the Grahams had mentioned. Do my boys see me praying and seeking God's face? Do they hear me encourage the Straightforward Dad and others? Will I be able to stand strong even when they are angry because I won't let them do what other kids can do? Am I raising "turkeys" or "eagles?" (Seriously, they use that analogy--and I LOVED it! You have to read the book to truly understand it.) I also was burdened with the fact that my children truly are not mine. They are a gift from God of which I am blessed to be the caretaker. I am responsible for how they are raised, what they are exposed to, who they are associated with....and suddenly I am overwhelmed. That's when I went back to the chapter about it taking three to parent!
Another point that really hit home with me was a comment they made that I couldn't shelter them from the storm, but I can shelter them in the storm during the time they are in my care. I hear so much these days about people "sheltering" their children. I will tell you right now--there is NO home, NO school, NO church, NO way to completely shelter your children from the storms of life. However, we can shelter them during the storms so that as they grow and mature into the person God wants them to be, they are able to stand strong and not be knocked about with the winds of change.
If you are a young person reading this blog, encourage your parents. If you have parents who lay out boundaries and discipline you, you are in the minority and are very blessed. In a world of latch key kids and parents who try to be their child's best friend, you are unique. You are being shown love and they are wanting you to be the best you can.
I hope this blog encourages you to go out and look at the book. You can also get a glimpse of it at by clicking Courageous Parenting. I think you will be glad that you did!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
He Wants to Know: Feeding a Competitive Spirit
First off, I would like to thank everyone who stopped by the blog to check out, "A Cry for Help." Because of people like you taking a stand, the show has taken a hit in numbers and sponsors. Please keep yourself informed on the situation. I did take some flack for being against the show, but I was very encouraged by those of you who supported my stand and stood with me.
This blog is a new little item you can look forward to called "He Wants to Know." This is where I will ask a male for a topic they would like to hear a female opinion on, or offer to answer a question about why women act so strangely--yeah right. Anyway, the first topic I was given was a tough one for me. My first victim wanted to know this:
"Since you are a former (who is he calling former?) competitive athlete, what do you do to feed that desire now that you do not play competitive sports? Leave it up to a guy to come up with a question for a woman that somehow still leads into a conversation about sports!
Ok Mr. Anonymous....here we go....
Me in college---Go Lady Lions!
Since leaving the world of competitive sports after college, the one way that I used to feed that competitive desire was to coach. This helped this desire immensely--except when we lost and I could not put on a jersey myself. My husband will be the first to tell you that any time we lost, I beat myself up. There was always something more I could have said or a different play I could have called. I also have always wanted to be the best teacher out there. I was always trying to find different activities to do or ideas to make learning in my class different than learning in other teachers' classrooms.
My first real coaching job
Most of you now know that since I have become a mom, my life has changed drastically. I gave up coaching to spend time with the boys. I made the commitment to stay out of the coaching arena until my boys were prepared for me to be able to spend that time in that profession. Now, I am self-employed and not teaching full-time either. At this point, I have very little avenues to which I can steer my competitive nature. I have to be honest since this is the Straighforward Mom Blog. A lot of my competitive aggression has been directed towards my husband. I wasn't beating him up or anything, but I was always complaining that he went soft on me when we played pick-up games or (when he was still coaching) that I would have made a different decision in a game situation. I know he was ready to tell me to zip my lip at moments, but he never did. I also would nose my way into other situations where I could give my opinions and thoughts to others with that same drive.
So, to answer the first ever "He Wants to Know" question, I have very few places to let my competitive nature run free. I have started running. This does help because it pits me against myself right now instead of taking out that aggression on another person. I literally will push myself to the point of blisters some days just so I can do better than the time before. Recently, due to cold weather, sick kids, and other time constraints my running time has been limited--and boy can everyone tell a difference. When I don't get to run, my mood and waistline suffer.
Another place I try to channel my competitive spirit is through my photography. I am always looking at other people's photographs and trying to be better. It's a lot like what I was doing with teaching, except this is a field that I don't know as much about. Therefore, I get frustrated and angry at myself sometimes because of my lack of knowledge. Yet, that is what pushes me to want to do better and learn more. This is one area my competitive nature actually does me good!
As for any other ventures that I can branch out into Mr. Anonymous, I would love for you to give me some suggestions. I could use some for sure. Especially if it offers an opportunity for some physical contact and elbow throwing....I sure miss basketball!
Monday, January 24, 2011
A Cry for Help!
Typically, I get angry at myself for wasting so much time on the Internet (Yeah, this coming from a blogging mama!) Today was a different day. I am hoping that you are spending some time on the Internet today and will take the time to read this blog for the sake of children and families everywhere.
I can already see your face and can read your thoughts. "Oh boy. What's she worked up about now?" Let me tell you, everyone needs to get worked up about this issue. I was doing my daily Facebooking when I found a recommended link to a friend's blog (you can check it out here http://oldschoolparents.blogspot.com/). Please check it out as she gets into reviewing this type of thing to help you protect your children (you can also find her blog on my reading list over on the right side of the page). Her blog was about a new show called "Skins" on MTV. I don't know if you know anything about this show, but it is nothing but smut that is being offered to young adults everywhere. In fact, MTV says the show is doing great with their target audience of 12yr. -34 yr. The show glorifies what MTV is advertising as reality--the most horrible side of life--drugs, sex, alcohol, and all the other terrible things that our youth are being hit with today. The Parents Television Council describes the show on their site (in case you want to check it out yourself--http://www.parentstv.org/PTC/publications/emailalerts/2011/0118.htm) in this manner:
"Skins not only featured dozens of instances of high-school children using foul language; it also contained depictions and descriptions of high-school children discussing and engaging in sex; high-school children discussing and engaging in the use of illegal drugs; high-school children discussing and engaging in the use of alcohol; high-school children stealing an automobile and then crashing it into a lake; and countless other descriptions and depictions of graphic, adult-themed activity."
Keep in mind, this show doesn't use adult actors. Their youngest actress is reported as being 15 years old. Someone please enlighten me on what kind of parents allow their children to be part of something like this? I don't think they have any right to be called parents at all for allowing their child to be exploited in such a manner (I bet all they see is dollar signs). Do these parents even realize the amount of child molesters who are probably avid watchers of the show already?
In all of this, MTV remains pretty smug about what they are doing. They basically brag that kids as young as 12 are watching (Yeah, I am going to keep mentioning this because where are those 12 year old's parents?). They maintain that they are not breaking any laws. "According to The New York Times (via MSNBC), Viacom executives met with the producers of Skins to discuss toning down upcoming episodes for fear of violating child pornography laws." (That came directly from http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/01/skins-loses-a-fifth-big-sponsor-subway/. Check that out if you want more info.) CHILD PORNOGRAPHY--now, how scary is that? MTV believes we are all dumb, deaf, and blind not to realize that this is the real world within the day-to-day life of teenagers. What about all the good kids I have taught over the years? Why aren't they making a show about the kids who have gone on to do great things? Why are we not glorifying kids who are making a difference in the world, who care more about others than about gratifying themselves? Why can't we portray that as the norm? IT DOESN'T SELL. MTV doesn't care about your kids. MTV doesn't care about making the world a better place. This show makes this agenda very clear.
I bet right now you are wondering what you can do. I am still researching that, but I have a few options that you can do right now that will make a difference.
1. E-mails: Send e-mails to those who advertise during the show and to MTV. They have lost seven sponsors as of what I can determine at this point--Taco Bell, GM, Subway, H & R Block (Why in the name of all that is good is H & R Block advertising on MTV anyways?), Schick, L'Oreal, and Wrigley. Now, don't get me wrong. They still advertise with other programming on MTV, but not with this show in particular. Foot Locker is one that continues to advertise during the show.
2. Inform Yourself: Research and know the issues surrounding this. Believe me, it's not pleasant and it angers me more and more. However, I realize that by knowing more, I can find more ways to fight this junk.
3. Talk: Talk to people--old and young alike. This is not just about shutting down smut, it's about opening a dialogue between people that will keep more of this stuff from invading the lives of our youth. It's about opening lines of communication so that our kids KNOW right from wrong.
4. Share: Share blogs like the one I gave above or this one with young and old.
5. PRAY: Become a prayer warrior for our youth. Our children are leaving the church in mass. We have got to pray for them. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." Let's stand in the gap for our children and our future.
I am doing research to find out more about what I can do to help get junk like this off our televisions. As I have been doing research, I have found more shows that need to be taken off the air. I can list out several (Gossip Girl, Family Guy, etc) that I am now aware of that I will do my best to fight against in the next few weeks. Maybe you are wondering why....
THEY ARE THE REASON THAT I CARE SO MUCH. If you can look at these two little boys and not want a better future for them, then I am worried about you. I am doing everything I can to protect them from junk such as this. I will not let the world tell them what is "normal" or "acceptable." We wonder why girls give everything away at such a tender age...thank you MTV for helping push the idea that this is what everyone else is doing. We wonder why our young men don't know how to be gentlemen......thank you MTV for showing that it's a "reality" that boys don't know how to be anything but animals. Keep in mind, MTV is not alone in this fight for the hearts of your children. This is just one in many battles that I will have to fight. You better believe this momma is ready and willing to take on the world to prove to her boys that they have a "higher calling." I will teach them that being like the world is taking the easy way out. Compromise is easy....taking the higher road, the road that God intended for us--there is nothing more rewarding.
Please help me in this fight. I am talking to you young adults. I am talking to you parents. I am talking to you grandparents. I am talking to you people who have no children. I am talking to you CHRISTIAN. We have been silent for too long and it's time we took a stand.
I can already see your face and can read your thoughts. "Oh boy. What's she worked up about now?" Let me tell you, everyone needs to get worked up about this issue. I was doing my daily Facebooking when I found a recommended link to a friend's blog (you can check it out here http://oldschoolparents.blogspot.com/). Please check it out as she gets into reviewing this type of thing to help you protect your children (you can also find her blog on my reading list over on the right side of the page). Her blog was about a new show called "Skins" on MTV. I don't know if you know anything about this show, but it is nothing but smut that is being offered to young adults everywhere. In fact, MTV says the show is doing great with their target audience of 12yr. -34 yr. The show glorifies what MTV is advertising as reality--the most horrible side of life--drugs, sex, alcohol, and all the other terrible things that our youth are being hit with today. The Parents Television Council describes the show on their site (in case you want to check it out yourself--http://www.parentstv.org/PTC/publications/emailalerts/2011/0118.htm) in this manner:
"Skins not only featured dozens of instances of high-school children using foul language; it also contained depictions and descriptions of high-school children discussing and engaging in sex; high-school children discussing and engaging in the use of illegal drugs; high-school children discussing and engaging in the use of alcohol; high-school children stealing an automobile and then crashing it into a lake; and countless other descriptions and depictions of graphic, adult-themed activity."
Keep in mind, this show doesn't use adult actors. Their youngest actress is reported as being 15 years old. Someone please enlighten me on what kind of parents allow their children to be part of something like this? I don't think they have any right to be called parents at all for allowing their child to be exploited in such a manner (I bet all they see is dollar signs). Do these parents even realize the amount of child molesters who are probably avid watchers of the show already?
In all of this, MTV remains pretty smug about what they are doing. They basically brag that kids as young as 12 are watching (Yeah, I am going to keep mentioning this because where are those 12 year old's parents?). They maintain that they are not breaking any laws. "According to The New York Times (via MSNBC), Viacom executives met with the producers of Skins to discuss toning down upcoming episodes for fear of violating child pornography laws." (That came directly from http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/01/skins-loses-a-fifth-big-sponsor-subway/. Check that out if you want more info.) CHILD PORNOGRAPHY--now, how scary is that? MTV believes we are all dumb, deaf, and blind not to realize that this is the real world within the day-to-day life of teenagers. What about all the good kids I have taught over the years? Why aren't they making a show about the kids who have gone on to do great things? Why are we not glorifying kids who are making a difference in the world, who care more about others than about gratifying themselves? Why can't we portray that as the norm? IT DOESN'T SELL. MTV doesn't care about your kids. MTV doesn't care about making the world a better place. This show makes this agenda very clear.
I bet right now you are wondering what you can do. I am still researching that, but I have a few options that you can do right now that will make a difference.
1. E-mails: Send e-mails to those who advertise during the show and to MTV. They have lost seven sponsors as of what I can determine at this point--Taco Bell, GM, Subway, H & R Block (Why in the name of all that is good is H & R Block advertising on MTV anyways?), Schick, L'Oreal, and Wrigley. Now, don't get me wrong. They still advertise with other programming on MTV, but not with this show in particular. Foot Locker is one that continues to advertise during the show.
2. Inform Yourself: Research and know the issues surrounding this. Believe me, it's not pleasant and it angers me more and more. However, I realize that by knowing more, I can find more ways to fight this junk.
3. Talk: Talk to people--old and young alike. This is not just about shutting down smut, it's about opening a dialogue between people that will keep more of this stuff from invading the lives of our youth. It's about opening lines of communication so that our kids KNOW right from wrong.
4. Share: Share blogs like the one I gave above or this one with young and old.
5. PRAY: Become a prayer warrior for our youth. Our children are leaving the church in mass. We have got to pray for them. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." Let's stand in the gap for our children and our future.
I am doing research to find out more about what I can do to help get junk like this off our televisions. As I have been doing research, I have found more shows that need to be taken off the air. I can list out several (Gossip Girl, Family Guy, etc) that I am now aware of that I will do my best to fight against in the next few weeks. Maybe you are wondering why....
THEY ARE THE REASON THAT I CARE SO MUCH. If you can look at these two little boys and not want a better future for them, then I am worried about you. I am doing everything I can to protect them from junk such as this. I will not let the world tell them what is "normal" or "acceptable." We wonder why girls give everything away at such a tender age...thank you MTV for helping push the idea that this is what everyone else is doing. We wonder why our young men don't know how to be gentlemen......thank you MTV for showing that it's a "reality" that boys don't know how to be anything but animals. Keep in mind, MTV is not alone in this fight for the hearts of your children. This is just one in many battles that I will have to fight. You better believe this momma is ready and willing to take on the world to prove to her boys that they have a "higher calling." I will teach them that being like the world is taking the easy way out. Compromise is easy....taking the higher road, the road that God intended for us--there is nothing more rewarding. Please help me in this fight. I am talking to you young adults. I am talking to you parents. I am talking to you grandparents. I am talking to you people who have no children. I am talking to you CHRISTIAN. We have been silent for too long and it's time we took a stand.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
SM 101: Don't Sabotage Your Own Happiness
My Straightforward boys enjoying our snow!So, as you know, I have started creating some 101 blogs that are basically mini classes on how to (or how not to) do something. Today is another session in Straightfoward Mom 101. Our class today is on sabotaging your happiness. Do you ever do that? I sure do. It hit me pretty hard last week that I was sabotaging myself in many ways, but in my marriage the most.
Recently, the wonderful Straightforward Dad planned a fun mini date for he and I without the kids. He had taken the initiative and tried his best to be as romantic as possible. Instead of encouraging him throughout the date, I acted nonchalant and, well, to be straightforward, stupid. I did the same thing later on when he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner one night. I beat around the bush, and of course some communication issues were thrown in, and I found myself with the same nonchalant attitude at dinner.
Last week I was "trapped" in the house with all the boys and I had some time for good reflection on what I had accomplished on my New Year not-to-do list. I read through and was pretty satisfied until the Holy Spirit started speaking to my heart about "not" being the same wife I was last year. Ouch....had I been doing this a lot? I thought back to the more recent times that the Straightforward Dad had tried to do something romantic or fun for me. Yep....there it was. I needed a swift kick in the pants. I couldn't believe that I had reacted so poorly, yet expected him to want to continue to do romantic and nice things for me. Was that the reason he claimed it was so hard to be romantic? I mean, I have been harping on him about this and here I was basically sabotaging him. What kind of wife does that? Not a very nice one, that's for sure. I made up my mind right then and there that I was going to ask, not only God's forgiveness, but my husband's as well. I did that just the other night and it has really opened my eyes concerning my attitude towards, not just him, but even my kids. I realized that I had been sabotaging my happiness in a lot of areas, not just my marriage. My attitude needed an adjustment--and quick. I am in the first days of this "adjustment", but I can already tell a huge difference. (Ask the Straightforward Dad, he'll tell you there is a difference too!)
What about you is causing you to sabotage your own happiness in 2011? Maybe you share my problem and your attitude is your culprit. Could it be that your lack of trust is sabotaging you? Maybe you are still struggling with our last lesson--a lack of confidence? I don't know what issue is plaguing you that causes you to sabotage your own happiness, but resolve to get in check. I realized my attitude was setting up the Straightforward Dad for failure every time. He had no chance when I came into our time together "wearing" that attitude. In doing that, not only was I sucking the joy out of our dating life, I was sabotaging his happiness as well! What's sucking the joy out of what you enjoy? Are you sabotaging someone else too? If you are not happy, find out what's sabotaging you and get rid of it. I can't tell you the tremendous burden that has been lifted since I had this little epiphany. It's completely crazy. I haven't been able to have another date with my husband yet, but I am so excited to give this "new wife" attitude a go on our next outing!
I know what you are thinking..."Just because you were stupid enough to shut down on a husband who was trying to be romantic doesn't mean that I have the same problems or issues." Ok, well great! But, in my few years of life (YEAH RIGHT), I have realized that people always seem to be unhappy about something. Most people will blame someone or something other than themselves. In my case, I blamed the Straightforward Dad for not being romantic or creative enough. How could he ever win when I took that attitude? Are you happy in your job? Maybe your attitude needs to be adjusted in that area so that you stop sabotaging the leader or the witness you could be in that arena. The Bible says:
"Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset (some might say ATTITUDE) as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,being made in human likeness. " (Phil. 2:2-7)
We are called to not look at our own interests, but those of others. Reading this verse hits me again by telling me, not only did I have the wrong attitude toward someone who loves me, but I was being SEL--SELF---Ok, I was being SELFISH. (I winced just typing that.) I was being something I am trying to teach my children not to be (Way to go Mom!).
For those of you who might be sabotaging your happiness in other areas, try using this as your motto--
“Work willingly at whatever (this means ANYTHING) you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ." (Col. 3:23-24)
So stop sabotaging yourself this year! Why be unhappy when you don't have to be? Of course you are going to have off days. We are human and still have those issues. If you have the power to call off the saboteurs--WHY NOT?? Have you done it in the past and found ways to deal? Leave me a comment because I can use all the tips I can get. Just because I am the teacher doesn't mean I can't learn! :)
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