Learning to Close a Chapter...

I have always thought of my life in book form. I am still not sure why I do that, but I always have. For example, several years ago I was in the middle of the "College" chapter of my life. It closed and the "Westminster" chapter of my life started when I began teaching. Typically, I will complicate things further and add overall chapters in like "Marriage" or "Children" and keep right on writing the story (or living my life).

One thing I have always had a problem with is closing chapters in my life. Looking back, I had trouble closing the "Single" chapter of my life and starting the "Marriage" chapter. Don't get me wrong. I wanted to get married. It was just hard to let go of who I was to start a "we" thing. I even have trouble putting away the Straightforward Boys' clothes after they grow out of a certain stage. I must look like a crazy woman as I thoughtfully (and sometimes tearfully) place one little outfit after another in the container. Sometimes I laugh as I place a memorable pair of shoes or hat into the container. I always take one last glance at the contents before I sadly clamp the lid in place. A huge sigh almost always follows the loud snap as I walk away feeling like another little chapter in my life has closed.

A few weeks ago, the Straightforward Son completed his first year in preschool. I had been very reluctant to send him to K-3, but had let him go just in time for him to grow up into a bold little four year old. He had two fantastic teachers who made him feel like a genius. He made tons of friends and enjoyed all kinds of fun events at school. He had been looking forward to the last day of school for weeks. Even at a young age, he understands the draw of a summer vacation! One would think that I would be thrilled to have him home (and I truly am), but I was sadly counting down the days till the end of his first year of school. It was another small chapter closing as he inches his way closer to a Kindergarten graduation (of which I am terrified).

As I watched him perform on the stage during his End of the Year Performance, I could not have been prouder. He was one of two chosen to recite his Bible verse and he did an awesome job following the directions his teachers had given him. He looked incredibly cute with his saggy tie and dress shirt and pants. There is one part I will never forget. After his class was finished performing, he ran as fast as he could down the aisle to me with pride all over his face. I know I had the same look on mine! I pray that he never loses the joy of a job well done. Afterward, all I could think about was how much he had grown up. Even though I was home part of the time, he still grew into a four year old in the blink of an eye. If he grew that fast, I bet the Straightforward Baby will grow up at light speed!

This might be a first, but I have no advice for learning how to do this better. I have tried all types of things, but nothing seems to work! Does anyone have any advice on learning to close a chapter of your life? I would love to know if there is a mom out there who knows how to deal with this???

He recites Psalm 23:1 for the program!


Singing during the program with his friends.

Hamming it up with one of his pals!

He Wants to Know: Dating Advice

Welcome to another installation of the "He Wants to Know" pieces! This is where a guy (of any age) asks a question and I do my best to answer said question. So far, I have had some pretty interesting and diverse questions to answer. This new topic is something I haven't been as involved with in the last 8 years, so what I will offer will probably seem outdated to some. My newest question is--What dating advice would you give me?

To kick things off, we will start off with some pre-dating advice.

#1: Don't just date for the fun of it. There are a lot of reasons that I offer this advice. The first, and most important, reason is from experience. I just dated for fun for the most part. I rarely took dating seriously, and imagining my future life with those that I chose to go out with was not a top priority. Once you have made the decision to go out on a date with someone, be certain that you have thought through things. By that I mean don't take the decision lightly. Dating without a purpose can also lead to situations in which you (and the person you choose to go out with) are faced with temptations that you wouldn't be otherwise. The key is think, think, think. Date with a purpose. Don't forget to ask for help ("Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6)!

#2: Be picky. Let's be clear. I am not saying make a list of unrealistic qualities/attributes that no one can ever live up to (For instance a dishwater blonde with two different colored eyes, who has a great sense of humor and loves sports--WAIT--she's taken!). What I am saying is sit down and consider what you are looking for in a life partner. This is not an easy task. Consider things such as values, personality traits, goals in life, and much more when creating your list. Notice I said "life partner" and not date. This goes back to dating with a purpose. When you are dating, you are looking for someone you eventually want to settle down with (or that should be the main purpose). Many people think that being picky doesn't lead to finding what you are looking for, but I would like to offer an example. My sister didn't just "date" for the sake of dating. She had not one serious boyfriend from the time she was in middle school until recently. She is now engaged and will be heading down the aisle with her first "real" boyfriend. I think that is such a testament to her faithfulness to dating with a purpose. I hate to admit this, but I often encouraged her to just date just to go out and get some experience. Now I realize how stupid I sounded.

Wow.....so to get back on target, here are some quick tips for dating in today's crazy world.

#1: Start out big! I can hear all the ladies saying, "YES! Take me out to the finest restaurants and to the best concerts! Bring me flowers and chocolates!" Start out with a group activity. It may not be your ideal situation to get to know someone in a personal way, but this is a great ice breaker and a way to help you both figure out if this is something you want to pursue. The group doesn't have to be huge--it can even be a double date. The key is to give you both some warm-up time so you don't have to immediately be "on your game" the first night.

#2: If you have already gotten past the group outings and hanging with the pals, my best advice to you is plan, plan, plan. Spontaneity can be fun, but it can also lead to problems and temptation. It's best to know where things are headed and how your time will be spent. I know many girlfriends and wives who talk about the loss of spontaneity in their lives, but when you are first getting to know one another, girls often feel more secure when there is a plan. As you move further along in the dating process, you can give up some of this planning and allow the other person to help choose or plan the dates.

#3: Be yourself. This is usually the most difficult advice to follow. I don't usually have any problem being myself. In fact, I would say that when I was dating the Straightforward Dad, I was probably too much myself! Let's just say he knew exactly the psychotic person he was committing to before he asked (and if he wasn't sure, my dad sure let him know)! Being yourself is so important. Don't wait until after your engaged to loosen up and let the other person see the real you. If the other person cannot deal with the real you, that means you are wasting your time. If they can't deal with you now, what makes you think they will deal with you later? Guys, this doesn't give you a "Get out of Gas, Belching, Itching, Etc. Free" card. Girls, this doesn't mean you can sit and talk for hours about things that only interest you. What it does mean--LET YOU SHINE! The worst of you will come out along the way, but learning about each other (even the quirks) is all part of the process.

#4: Honesty is the best policy. If you are interested, don't act disinterested to add to the "mystery." Don't wait the "required" amount of days to call. We are so prone to games while on the dating scene (and in marriage as well--I am guilty, I can admit that). It's not worth the effort it takes to play the games, people! It's more fun to actually enjoy the other person!

Overall, the center of any relationship--be it family, friend, romantic, or work--should be Jesus Christ. Being of one mind about Jesus Christ is so very important. There has to be a foundation that is solid. He is that foundation. It doesn't matter if you are dating or if you have been married for 35 years, there will be days where things don't go as planned or go as well as you pray they will. If He is not the foundation, you have nothing to stand on and your relationship is susceptible to the winds and storms of this life. He will not protect you FROM the storms, but he will protect you THROUGH the storms. If you get nothing else from what I mentioned above, walk away with Jesus Christ being the foundation on which you and all your relationships stand. In closing, remember Psalm 119:9--"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word."

I have so many more things I could add, but I don't want to overwhelm anyone! Keep in mind one thing. I don't recommend dating to anyone who isn't ready to seriously consider who they want as a life partner. I know some parents don't condone dating. Please understand that this was a young man my age who was asking for advice. This is primarily aimed at young adults and not teenagers. I am not going to tell anyone how to raise their children when it comes to dating. Dating is a family decision that I think parents must pray about and plan for before their children ever hit that stage of life. I would love to hear what everyone else suggests! Is there anything you can offer this person? Are there any lessons you learned that you can "share with the class?" Any tips or date ideas you can offer?