Review: Bringing up Boys Dr. Dobson

Have you noticed that kids just aren't the same anymore? I know my generation was different than that of my parents, but the situation seems to be even more out of control. After teaching and coaching for the last several years, I knew (or thought I knew) how I wanted to raise my kids. Now that I have two boys, I realized that things aren't as clear cut as I once thought them to be. To help gain some perspective on boys and how to raise them, I picked up Dr. James Dobson's Bringing up Boys at the library.

The first impression I got of this book was overwhelming. The cover states "Practical advice and encouragement for those shaping the next generation of men." WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. I have a three year old and a seven month old. Who said anything about men? Then it dawns on me. I am raising boys to be men. YIKES. There I sat, taking the full on hit that I was raising future men. (Yes, I do know that boys turn into adults eventually, but I honestly haven't been thinking that far ahead. I am still trying to get sleep at night and picking boogers out of noses that aren't mine.) I had not even made it past the front cover and I was about to cry. What am I going to do? My mom raised girls. She can't help me! I don't know anything about being a man. Sure, I can shoot a basketball better than a lot of guys, but that doesn't give me the credentials to be raising men! So, right there, I had a mental breakdown before even opening the book.

Once I got over myself and started reading, I was completely engrossed in everything Dr. Dobson had to say. Our boys are being attacked by the world, our culture, and everything in between--starting from birth. My boys are so blessed to have been born into a family that is intact and where both parents spend time with them. The book was published in 2001, but you would be blown away by the statistics on divorced families, even among those who are self-proclaimed Christians. Don't get me wrong. I know that there are situations where grounds for divorce are justified, but I believe that there are families today that could have been saved, but the parents just gave up. As I am learning, love is a choice. Even though I would love to tell you that the Straightforward Dad and I live in absolute marital bliss, I would be lying. The stresses of life and raising children do get to us. We have our battles and our "moments." However, when we took our vows, we knew we were in this for the long haul. So many children don't have that anymore. Also, we have boys (and girls) who don't even know the identity of their fathers.

Dr. Dobson talks about how our culture is affecting boys. From violence to sexual content everywhere you look (walk by a Guess store, it offers a sex lesson right there in the mall), to demeaning men and masculinity. I never realized how bad men/fathers were bashed on TV until I read this book. Have you watched cartoons recently? Good grief! It always struck me funny when I was a kid and realized how many Disney characters either didn't have one parent or they killed one during the movie. Watch cartoons today and you will find parents (especially dads) being depicted as spineless idiots. (Thanks Nickelodeon! Seriously, Jimmy Neutron's dad, Timmy Turner's dad, etc.?) Watch a commercial. Men are shown to be idiots at every turn. If they are not shown to be idiots, they are shown to be sleazy, sex-minded sicko's. I can hear it now...."But aren't all men like that?" I can honestly say that so many are not. I am married to one and those of you who know my father realize that he has more backbone than most dinosaurs. Yet, if our culture keeps telling and showing boys that this is what men are--guess what? That's how they will behave. (On a side note, we no longer will have Nickelodeon after this Friday.)

I think I was most shocked at the attack on masculinity. I don't know about other women out there, but I want a man. I want to be taken care of and protected. Today, men are told they are not sensitive enough. They don't have "feelings." Boys are told to play with gender neutral toys and feel too aggressive if they want to play with bow and arrows or plastic cap guns. Once again I can hear people saying, "Well, playing with plastic weapons makes boys violent!" Really? What would you consider to be worse? Kids playing with plastic weapons (TJ has a bow and arrow that he "hunts" with) or watching TV and seeing mutilation, crime scenes, and people blowing other people away for no good reason. Hmmmmm.......makes you think doesn't it? Even worse is the desensitization to homosexuality. Our schools (state schools of course) have even taught, from a very early age, that this is ok and that some kids have two mommies or daddies. Take a step back from that for just a minute. The school your tax dollars go to does this. Interesting.

Now, do I agree with every single sentence of this book? I actually don't. He includes a section about the problem with boys being forced to compete against girls in athletics. I have no problem with this concept and don't believe it should be a problem. He believes that this makes the weaker boys feel even worse. I believe that there is a solution to that problem if it becomes one. Parents should sit down with their sons and be honest. Maybe this is something he likes, but there's something better out there that he will excel in. This approach does sound brutal, but we are told to be honest with our kids and I think this is one important way to do that. (I know some are saying that I will never apply this reason with my own son. You will be surprised about how quickly we would do this. We have seen many children in our careers as coaches who would have benefited from this discussion with their parents.)

I think Dr. Dobson poses a great question in the end. When will parents (and grandparents) wake up and start to attack the forces against their children? Well, this parent "woke" up and is now more ready to face the challenges that lie ahead in growing men. Now, I don't have all the answers, but I am now more aware of what I need to do and what I can change. He also has a book called, Bringing up Girls for those of you with daughters.

I don't want to give away the whole book again, but I encourage anyone who has a son to read this book. If you have a grandson--READ THIS BOOK! If you are having a child and don't know what the sex is--READ THIS BOOK. You will appreciate it's eye opening information and encouragement that it offers.

Thanksgiving Reminders

As we approach the Thanksgiving season, I always begin thinking about those things for which I am grateful. We started a tradition a few years ago at our family Thanksgiving table where we go around and everyone shares what they are most thankful for from the past year. (I have to get a head start or I will draw a blank around people who always know the best things to say.) It's such a blessing to hear my family share such personal feelings.

If you ask around today, most people go for the typical things for which everyone should be grateful. Family, possessions and health all top the list in the minds of most people. These are all important things for which we should be grateful. However, there are a few things that I would like to remind you not to forget this year.

If you are a child of God, be grateful for your salvation. How can we not be? We were bought for a price. I think I can appreciate this even more now that I have sons. God gave his only Son for me. I can't imagine anyone for whom I would give my sons. My gratefulness and appreciation for this gift has increased since I can now relate more as a parent myself.

Don't forget to be thankful for forgiveness. Not only does our Father forgive us, ("As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12) but we are able to forgive and be forgiven in this world. I have a new appreciation for forgiveness. There are things in the past that I have held over the heads of others that I have recently been able to let go of with the help of God. (Believe me, I could NOT do it on my own.) That feeling is worth being thankful for!

Be thankful for your church. No church is perfect. Spurgeon once said, "The day we find the perfect church, it becomes imperfect the moment we join it." How true is that statement? Be thankful for those who love, support, and lift you up in prayer in your body of fellowship. I have been so strengthened and encouraged by our church recently. They support my family and my children are learning so much from being there. I appreciate those who attend the Sunday School class the Straightforward Dad and I teach (well, he's been doing a lot more alone since the entrance of the Straightforward Baby). They are special to us. I also want to thank our children's department of our church for offering the Straightforward Son the opportunity to be in his first Christmas program. He's going to be "Angel #1," Joseph and sing a part of a song by himself. He is so excited about this program.

There are so many other things that are often left of the list, but I really wanted to focus on these three because they have been so prominent in my life this year. Leave me a comment on other things that are important to you that you feel are often forgotten!

Review: Romancing your Husband by Smith

Have you ever thought to yourself, "My husband has nary a romantic bone in his body?" I have to be honest (as if I haven't been so far), since the day that the Straightforward Dad and I began dating, I hoped and prayed for him to be romantic. I worked really hard to set up romantic situations and outings for us, but I always thought he came up short when he tried to do the same. Sometimes I even felt like he wasn't trying at all. One day (ok, this has been an ongoing conversation), I sat him down and said, "What is it about me that makes you not want to do this for me?" He looked at me and said, "I don't know how to be romantic." At first, this answer seemed like a total cop out. In my mind I thought, "Anyone can figure it out. Your a computer nerd. Just Google it!" But the truth was, he really didn't know how.

After many years of being frustrated with this, I was perusing a used bookstore and found a copy of a Christian book called Romancing Your Husband, by Debra White Smith. I thought that was a pretty interesting concept, so I got it.

After reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, I was ready for another book that I could find some good and bad points about myself. Luckily, this was a more positive read for me than Dr. Schlessinger's book. This book encouraged me to change my "romantic" thought process. Instead of worrying about the husband being romantic, Smith encourages women to romance their husbands in a way they (husbands) can appreciate. She also encourages modeling romantic behaviors for your husband. I can say from experience that I am not sure modeling always works, but it is worth a try.

She has a similar message to women that Dr. Schlessinger does in the fact that she asks women to do their part. She points out areas in the Bible where women are called to a specific purpose in marriage. Her message about the submissive wife was much easier to swallow than that of Dr. Schlessinger. Don't get me wrong. I know that I am supposed to be a submissive wife, similar to to my submission to the will of God. Yet, the way Smith handles the subject left me feeling like it was something I could achieve, and not me feeling like the bad wife because I don't cook every meal for my family. Smith also goes on to explain that what men are called to do in marriage is just as difficult. "Husbands, love your wives, just (emphasis added by me) as Christ loved the church and gave (emphasis added by me) himself up for her....In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself (Eph. 5:25,28)."

I think the interesting part of the book was a chapter called "Exciting Encounters." This chapter deals specifically with ideas to help you "romance" your man. I have to admit, even reading the title of this chapter was a little embarrassing at first. As I read this particular section, I came to realize that this is the romance language that men speak. My language is definitely much tamer!

Another helpful aspect of the book was the devotional that was included at the end of the book. It was encouraging to have that little push after you read the book to try and implement the suggestions Smith offers. She includes scriptures with each short devotional.

I have to admit, I did get annoyed with her in the fact that she seemed "too" perfect at times. It was almost like she had all the answers (of course, why would I read this book if she didn't?) and everything worked. Yet, once you get past the perfection, there are some very useful tips that every woman can use. She also includes a story of a couple in the chapter "Surviving the Storms" that will make you cry. It made me realize just how blessed I was and will make you want to give your husband a huge hug.

You can check the book out on Google books if you want to fill in the blanks that I have left (I hate to give away the whole book if someone actually wants to read it). You can always borrow my copy! Either way, it's worth the read. You might just find out that you and your husband are speaking two very different romance languages and that his might be much more fun!

You Know you are a Mom if...

I had an interesting night last night. It prompted me to make this list! Comment with your own moments! I would love to hear your own experiences moms!

You know you are a mom if. . .

1. you fall asleep with a pacifier in your teeth and you wake up and it's still there!

2. you wipe other people's booties more often than your own.

3. you go into a store alone and say "No, stop touching that!" without even thinking.

4. you play Facebook games because your son wants you to.

5. you are known as your kids' mom. No one knows your real name.

6. boogers no longer disgust you. In fact, you try getting them for your husband.

7. your front porch looks more like a toy yard sale than a place to relax and greet friends.

8. going to Walmart (or anywhere for that matter) with dried snot or spit-up on your clothes doesn't bother you.

9. you have more expenditures at Children's Place than any retail store that would sell clothes in your size.

10. you have so many little plastic cups from restaurants in your cupboard that you could host a party for 50 kids and everyone would have one (including a lid).

11. you can sing cartoon theme songs or episode songs like (but not limited to): Spongebob, Wonder Pets, Bob the Builder, Curious George, etc.

12. you sing songs listed above without your kids enticing you to or when they are gone.

13. you go to the store and come home to find out you have random stickers on your butt.

14. every time you move your couch there is a treasure of forgotten toys that become the new toys all over again.

15. you hold the hand of a beautiful child at night while they sleep and they tell you that they are the only thing in the world they need.

I would love to hear some of yours! Comment below and share! :)