Have you ever thought to yourself, "My husband has nary a romantic bone in his body?" I have to be honest (as if I haven't been so far), since the day that the Straightforward Dad and I began dating, I hoped and prayed for him to be romantic. I worked really hard to set up romantic situations and outings for us, but I always thought he came up short when he tried to do the same. Sometimes I even felt like he wasn't trying at all. One day (ok, this has been an ongoing conversation), I sat him down and said, "What is it about me that makes you not want to do this for me?" He looked at me and said, "I don't know how to be romantic." At first, this answer seemed like a total cop out. In my mind I thought, "Anyone can figure it out. Your a computer nerd. Just Google it!" But the truth was, he really didn't know how.
After many years of being frustrated with this, I was perusing a used bookstore and found a copy of a Christian book called Romancing Your Husband, by Debra White Smith. I thought that was a pretty interesting concept, so I got it.
After reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, I was ready for another book that I could find some good and bad points about myself. Luckily, this was a more positive read for me than Dr. Schlessinger's book. This book encouraged me to change my "romantic" thought process. Instead of worrying about the husband being romantic, Smith encourages women to romance their husbands in a way they (husbands) can appreciate. She also encourages modeling romantic behaviors for your husband. I can say from experience that I am not sure modeling always works, but it is worth a try.
She has a similar message to women that Dr. Schlessinger does in the fact that she asks women to do their part. She points out areas in the Bible where women are called to a specific purpose in marriage. Her message about the submissive wife was much easier to swallow than that of Dr. Schlessinger. Don't get me wrong. I know that I am supposed to be a submissive wife, similar to to my submission to the will of God. Yet, the way Smith handles the subject left me feeling like it was something I could achieve, and not me feeling like the bad wife because I don't cook every meal for my family. Smith also goes on to explain that what men are called to do in marriage is just as difficult. "Husbands, love your wives, just (emphasis added by me) as Christ loved the church and gave (emphasis added by me) himself up for her....In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself (Eph. 5:25,28)."
I think the interesting part of the book was a chapter called "Exciting Encounters." This chapter deals specifically with ideas to help you "romance" your man. I have to admit, even reading the title of this chapter was a little embarrassing at first. As I read this particular section, I came to realize that this is the romance language that men speak. My language is definitely much tamer!
Another helpful aspect of the book was the devotional that was included at the end of the book. It was encouraging to have that little push after you read the book to try and implement the suggestions Smith offers. She includes scriptures with each short devotional.
I have to admit, I did get annoyed with her in the fact that she seemed "too" perfect at times. It was almost like she had all the answers (of course, why would I read this book if she didn't?) and everything worked. Yet, once you get past the perfection, there are some very useful tips that every woman can use. She also includes a story of a couple in the chapter "Surviving the Storms" that will make you cry. It made me realize just how blessed I was and will make you want to give your husband a huge hug.
You can check the book out on Google books if you want to fill in the blanks that I have left (I hate to give away the whole book if someone actually wants to read it). You can always borrow my copy! Either way, it's worth the read. You might just find out that you and your husband are speaking two very different romance languages and that his might be much more fun!
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