Review: Courageous Parenting--Jack and Deb Graham

I bet everyone expected me to come on and do a big article on Valentine's Day. Well, guess what? You were wrong! Instead, I took the last little while to prepare and spend this special time with my own amazing Valentine. In its place I decided to offer you something even more helpful--a book you should read.

Recently, I was browsing through the library and picked up a book that I saw about parenting that had Graham on it. Of course I thought, "WOW! A book by Billy Graham on parenting!" Okay, so it wasn't by Billy Graham, but it was by a couple of Grahams who have helped me grow as a parent. The book was called Courageous Parenting by Jack and Deb Graham. Now, if you are a young person without children, or a teenager reading this, don't say this blog is not for you. You might just find some interesting tidbits that might make you appreciate parents who put their foot down or tell you no. I know I appreciated my parents taking a stand for me as I got older, but this book really put into perspective the battle they fought to help me be the person I am today.

I don't know about you, but sometimes living in the world we live in gets me a little down as a parent (I can't imagine what young adults must be going through!). I feel like I am constantly fighting for the minds and hearts of, not only my children, but children everywhere. If you read my earlier blog about the MTV show Skins, you know exactly what I am talking about. Sadly, shows like that are not isolated incidents. Our children are being bombarded from a very young age with all kinds of things that I never thought about or worried about until I was much older.

This book encouraged me to keep fighting the good fight for my kids. It's written in a way where Jack and Deb would each comment within the text to either offer extra insight or encouragement about a certain topic. I appreciated seeing it from a fellow mother's perspective and that of a father. I often take for granted a father's viewpoint because I am not one (I can't imagine being one considering all they have going against them these days--have you noticed how much TV presents dads as idiots these days?) and it was nice to hear someone back up what the Straightforward Dad has been telling me. (Not that I don't believe what he says, but sometimes it takes another person saying it for it to really hit home with me. I will go ahead and apologize to him now since I know he is going to nail me with this one when he reads this!) A book where two parents partner in offering information, feelings, and thoughts about parenting was a new approach from other parenting books I have read recently.

There were a couple of chapters that I really appreciated that I would like to share with you without ruining the whole book for you. . .

• "It Takes 3 To Make Parenting Work"--I had never really thought that statement through until I read that chapter title. In my short parenting experience, I have struggled with figuring out how the Straightforward Dad and I were going to get things right or make certain decisions. This chapter made me stand back and look at it from a different perspective. We are not alone in this journey. If we try to make it on our own, our children have no hope. We have to allow God to have His place in the mix or this whole fight is lost before we even start! (Sounds a lot like our own battles within our own lives too!) Our children are His to begin with.
• "Taking A Stand In Your Home"--"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," was Joshua's claim in Joshua 24:15. God has allowed us to be parents for a reason. We must make the decision that our homes will be places where the Lord will be served. They mention taking a stand in various forms including by expressing children love verbally and by giving them hugs--making sure they feel loved in every way possible. They also talk about encouraging and equipping them for the life that lies ahead.
• Other chapters such as "Will The Real Parents Please Stand Up" and "Raising Eagles" made huge impressions on my heart, but I want to leave you some room to find out for yourself what this book has to offer. If I tell you all about it (as I am dying to do) you won't go out and get it!

I think the last part was probably the hardest for me to read. It was called "From 'It's a Boy' to 'I'm Engaged'." Holy cow! I had to read this section in spurts as I cried like a baby through some parts. It really was an eye opening experience to think about how quickly my beautiful Straightforward sons will grow into men. After I finished the book, so many thoughts ran through my head that the Grahams had mentioned. Do my boys see me praying and seeking God's face? Do they hear me encourage the Straightforward Dad and others? Will I be able to stand strong even when they are angry because I won't let them do what other kids can do? Am I raising "turkeys" or "eagles?" (Seriously, they use that analogy--and I LOVED it! You have to read the book to truly understand it.) I also was burdened with the fact that my children truly are not mine. They are a gift from God of which I am blessed to be the caretaker. I am responsible for how they are raised, what they are exposed to, who they are associated with....and suddenly I am overwhelmed. That's when I went back to the chapter about it taking three to parent!

Another point that really hit home with me was a comment they made that I couldn't shelter them from the storm, but I can shelter them in the storm during the time they are in my care. I hear so much these days about people "sheltering" their children. I will tell you right now--there is NO home, NO school, NO church, NO way to completely shelter your children from the storms of life. However, we can shelter them during the storms so that as they grow and mature into the person God wants them to be, they are able to stand strong and not be knocked about with the winds of change.

If you are a young person reading this blog, encourage your parents. If you have parents who lay out boundaries and discipline you, you are in the minority and are very blessed. In a world of latch key kids and parents who try to be their child's best friend, you are unique. You are being shown love and they are wanting you to be the best you can.

I hope this blog encourages you to go out and look at the book. You can also get a glimpse of it at by clicking Courageous Parenting. I think you will be glad that you did!