Finding Purpose in an Unusual Place

Recently, I went through the library looking for a book to read. As I slowly drug the oldest Straightforward Son down the aisles of non-children's books with the Straightforward Baby pulling random books off the shelf, I was forced to rush and grab a book off the shelf. Running to catch the Straightforward Son before he made it to the library doors, I thought about how irritating it was that I couldn't take the time to choose a book that I knew I would enjoy.

I maintained that irritation as I got everyone packed in the car and headed into the day. Of course, I had all kinds of things go wrong and piles of laundry waiting in the laundry room (and in sporadic piles throughout the house). However, that night I sat down and opened the book I checked out of the library and got a rude awakening. The book that I had checked out was for Christian women who were looking for purpose in their lives (especially those who had just entered a new chapter in their lives). The title caught my attention because I have been doing a lot of soul searching about what God wants me to do now that teaching isn't my main focus. Interestingly enough, after what I am about to tell you, the name of the book no longer matters to me (and honestly I can't even remember it) as much as what fell out of it.

As I opened the cover, several pieces of paper fluttered to the floor. I picked them up and was amazed at the beautiful handwriting that I saw. Needless to say (and my past students can attest to this), my handwriting is atrocious. It has always been terrible. For some reason, it gets even worse when I start to write on a white board. Before I even looked at what the writing actually said, I was wondering about the person behind the handwriting. I assumed she was beautiful and talented (all people with great handwriting are of course). I even went as far as to think that she had no issues in life whatsoever--things just went her way.

It was at that moment I started to feel guilty. I was about to read someone's personal notes. I wondered if I should just throw them away and move on to the message that the book held for me. My curious nature got the best of me and I began to read the beautifully written notes. The person had listed the five greatest and worst things that had happened to them in the last five years. I always prefer to hear the bad news first so I dove into reading the bad list. I was shocked at what I found. This person had suffered everything from an abusive relationship to infertility. All my presumptions about who this person was and their life flew out the window. The confident handwriting that I had so admired did not match up with the insecure person I found in the notes. I was heartbroken for this person. I can't imagine dealing with the 5 worst things on her list. I then flipped over to her 5 best things. On the list I found some really good things such as the adoption of children and meeting a loving spouse, but I was still amazed at the sadness that permeated even her best moments. It was very obvious that she suffered from some serious emotional scars.

It was at this moment that I realized that there were other papers in the stack. The thought again crossed my mind that this was someone's personal property and I shouldn't be reading it, but I felt like it was meant for me to find. The next paper I looked at asked the following question--"How can I use my past hurts to help people in the future?" As I read through her answers, I was very moved. She talked about helping others who have suffered various types of abuse. She decided that she could mentor other women who were facing infertility or were struggling through miscarriages. I was amazed at all the positives that she found in all the bad she had experienced.

As I slowly put the notes back in the book, I thought back to all my frustrations of the day. They now seemed so insignificant. The positives seemed so much more like blessings. Yeah, it was frustrating to drag two frazzled kids through the library, but at least I had two special gifts from God. I did have laundry up to my eyeballs, but that meant that I had several people in my life who loved me and apparently I loved enough to be washing their underwear. I even thought back over the last few years. There have been some terribly difficult moments in recent years. I have dealt with a few issues that I never thought I would have to deal with in my lifetime. Yet, it all seemed to fade in comparison to what this mystery woman had suffered. If she could find positive outcomes from very bad situations, I could certainly do the same.

I have to say, I learned more about purpose in life from those few notes than I have from the first few chapters of the book I checked out. In fact, the book paled in comparison to what I got from those notes I found. For the first time in some time, I felt like God had specifically directed my steps. I wasn't so upset that my kids had forced me to randomly grab a title off the shelf. What if I had had more time? Would I have chosen that book? After reading the first few chapters I would definitely say a quick glance through would have caused me to put it back. God knew exactly what He was doing. He wanted me to find purpose in the bad things that have happened to me. All that I have learned in struggling through the hard times should push me to help others. More than ever, I have a desire to help other people. Mentally, I am making those same lists my mystery friend wrote. What have I learned? I am still in the process of finding exactly where God wants me to serve. I truly feel that answering these same questions (and seeking His will through prayer) will aid me in finding where I fit in in this new life I have been given.

I strongly encourage you to do the same. What would your answers be? Are reaching out to those who have suffered as you have with the love of Christ and the knowledge you have gained through your experiences? We all have different experiences and hurts. Imagine what our world would be like if we all took what we learned and reached out to our hurting world!