Review: The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands--Dr. Schlessinger

Recently, I had someone suggest the book The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger to me. It sounded like something I should be learning more about since I am a wife. (And now that I think about it, why did the person who suggested the book to me think I needed it? Hmmm.....) If you don't know, Dr. Schlessinger is a therapist who is an author and radio show host. People call her show to complain about their partners and other issues and she attempts to help them "see the light" and become better people. I have heard her radio program and have agreed and disagreed with her thoughts and ways of helping others. I figured the book was worth a try. (Also, it would probably be easier to read than most Dr. Seuss books that I currently read to the Straightforward boys. Have you ever tried to read Fox in Socks?)

Boy, was I shocked! Of course I knew that she thought that all moms should be at home and that women cause a lot of their own heartache, but I didn't realize the extent of her beliefs until I read this book. I had gotten the impression that she believed that we, as women, were nothing but trouble makers. As I sifted through all the examples from listeners and callers to her program, I realized that she believes that we hold an incredible amount of influence over our husbands and marriages. According to her, we basically hold our own happiness and fulfillment in our own hands. Really?

She then goes on to say that men are fairly simple creatures and when their needs are met, they treat their women with adoration and care. I found myself reading accounts from men who were treated very poorly by their wives and yet, had not run off or fell into any other types of infidelity. I was amazed! Some of the women she described were completely horrible to their husbands--even on a national radio program!

What was even scarier was that I found myself reading excerpts and realizing that I had said or thought similar things that were being brought out in the book. Was I really like so many other women? The point that really hit home for me was when she discussed taking time for your marriage and making it the top priority. This is where I was, as the kids say, an "epic" failure. I know the Straightforward Dad would agree that since the Straightforward Boys have been born, they have taken the top spot on my priority list. They consumed my thoughts, my time, and even my fears (I can see some of you moms out there nodding your heads). Since reading this book, I have taken a step back and made some adjustments. My boys still consume much of my life, but they can never take the place of my husband and the time I need to spend nurturing our relationship. I was just like the women described in the book who spent more time nurturing their children and trying to be successful at everything else, than deepening my relationship with the person with whom I am supposed to be spending the rest of my life.

Now, she and I don't agree on everything. However, I do see more value to her thoughts to a woman's role in this world. I also agree that feminism has done a lot to destroy the marriage relationship. It had even tainted my own views more than I would like to admit. Thanks to this book, I found a lot to work on and the kick in the butt I needed to try to create a better environment for the hunky and incredible Mr. Straightforward Dad. (Ok, so the book said I need to make him feel like a man and I am still working on learning to do that!)

The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands is a must read for every woman. Whether you are dating, about to get married, are married, or just want to learn more about men, this is a very helpful and easy read (only 180 pages for you moms that have about as much time as I do). Keep in mind, you may not agree with everything she says, but finding those nuggets of truth are worth more than the stuff you won't like. Believe me, there will be those moments when you think she has lost her mind, but then there are those moments where a light will come on and you think, "Poop. She's just described me!" Maybe you won't say poop, but you will definitely feel called out.