SM 101: Don't Sabotage Your Own Happiness

My Straightforward boys enjoying our snow!

Whew! What a time we have had between the last blog and this one! Holy cow did we have a snow! :) It was beautiful, but not one person in good ole GA was ready for what we got! Anyway, back on to the next class!

So, as you know, I have started creating some 101 blogs that are basically mini classes on how to (or how not to) do something. Today is another session in Straightfoward Mom 101. Our class today is on sabotaging your happiness. Do you ever do that? I sure do. It hit me pretty hard last week that I was sabotaging myself in many ways, but in my marriage the most.

Recently, the wonderful Straightforward Dad planned a fun mini date for he and I without the kids. He had taken the initiative and tried his best to be as romantic as possible. Instead of encouraging him throughout the date, I acted nonchalant and, well, to be straightforward, stupid. I did the same thing later on when he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner one night. I beat around the bush, and of course some communication issues were thrown in, and I found myself with the same nonchalant attitude at dinner.

Last week I was "trapped" in the house with all the boys and I had some time for good reflection on what I had accomplished on my New Year not-to-do list. I read through and was pretty satisfied until the Holy Spirit started speaking to my heart about "not" being the same wife I was last year. Ouch....had I been doing this a lot? I thought back to the more recent times that the Straightforward Dad had tried to do something romantic or fun for me. Yep....there it was. I needed a swift kick in the pants. I couldn't believe that I had reacted so poorly, yet expected him to want to continue to do romantic and nice things for me. Was that the reason he claimed it was so hard to be romantic? I mean, I have been harping on him about this and here I was basically sabotaging him. What kind of wife does that? Not a very nice one, that's for sure. I made up my mind right then and there that I was going to ask, not only God's forgiveness, but my husband's as well. I did that just the other night and it has really opened my eyes concerning my attitude towards, not just him, but even my kids. I realized that I had been sabotaging my happiness in a lot of areas, not just my marriage. My attitude needed an adjustment--and quick. I am in the first days of this "adjustment", but I can already tell a huge difference. (Ask the Straightforward Dad, he'll tell you there is a difference too!)

What about you is causing you to sabotage your own happiness in 2011? Maybe you share my problem and your attitude is your culprit. Could it be that your lack of trust is sabotaging you? Maybe you are still struggling with our last lesson--a lack of confidence? I don't know what issue is plaguing you that causes you to sabotage your own happiness, but resolve to get in check. I realized my attitude was setting up the Straightforward Dad for failure every time. He had no chance when I came into our time together "wearing" that attitude. In doing that, not only was I sucking the joy out of our dating life, I was sabotaging his happiness as well! What's sucking the joy out of what you enjoy? Are you sabotaging someone else too? If you are not happy, find out what's sabotaging you and get rid of it. I can't tell you the tremendous burden that has been lifted since I had this little epiphany. It's completely crazy. I haven't been able to have another date with my husband yet, but I am so excited to give this "new wife" attitude a go on our next outing!

I know what you are thinking..."Just because you were stupid enough to shut down on a husband who was trying to be romantic doesn't mean that I have the same problems or issues." Ok, well great! But, in my few years of life (YEAH RIGHT), I have realized that people always seem to be unhappy about something. Most people will blame someone or something other than themselves. In my case, I blamed the Straightforward Dad for not being romantic or creative enough. How could he ever win when I took that attitude? Are you happy in your job? Maybe your attitude needs to be adjusted in that area so that you stop sabotaging the leader or the witness you could be in that arena. The Bible says:

"Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset (some might say ATTITUDE) as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,being made in human likeness. " (Phil. 2:2-7)

We are called to not look at our own interests, but those of others. Reading this verse hits me again by telling me, not only did I have the wrong attitude toward someone who loves me, but I was being SEL--SELF---Ok, I was being SELFISH. (I winced just typing that.) I was being something I am trying to teach my children not to be (Way to go Mom!).

For those of you who might be sabotaging your happiness in other areas, try using this as your motto--

“Work willingly at whatever (this means ANYTHING) you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ." (Col. 3:23-24)

So stop sabotaging yourself this year! Why be unhappy when you don't have to be? Of course you are going to have off days. We are human and still have those issues. If you have the power to call off the saboteurs--WHY NOT?? Have you done it in the past and found ways to deal? Leave me a comment because I can use all the tips I can get. Just because I am the teacher doesn't mean I can't learn! :)